Introduction: In this post, I am continuing with the conversation I had with child therapist Craig Knippenberg regarding his video series and upcoming book, Will You Be My Friend? Understanding Your Child’s Social Brain Into Adulthood. The video series is available for viewing on YouTube and craigknippenberg.com.
I enjoy how Craig thinks about the social brain. So, this
interview has more on that but also you will see how Craig is an innovator when
it comes to using outdoor adventure to help teens. He makes a great point about
helping our children (and ourselves) disconnect from the electronic world in
order to boost the lasting emotional connection.
Question: #6 You talk about the social brain having three
regions or types of functions: The President, the Furnace, and the Mirror
System. How do these three regions change
in the teen brain throughout adolescence?
As any parent with a teenager knows, this is where the real fun and
challenge begins. Everything changes
as all three of the main social brain systems undergo massive growth. Aristotle
had it pegged long ago when he said, “Teens today are as fickle in their
desires as they are vehement in expressing them.” While the President is
getting ready to become the master controller of a more complex adult brain, it
doesn’t work very well. So, you see lots of rapidly changing impulses fueled by
a doubling of emotion from the Furnace. On top of that, the social Mirror System
is speeding up and growing to help form tomorrow’s leaders and politicians.
While teens are learning how to influence others around them in a more complex
way, lots of social hurts are going to happen. It’s sort of like taking a group
juggling lesson and being asked to toss steak knives back and forth on your
first try. Eventually, the group will get there, but it will take time and a
lot of bandages! Many current environmental biologists argue, however, that the
teen brain is doing what it is designed to do: take risks while conquering the
environment, bond with the peer group, and
find a mate for the procreation of our species. Sadly, while designed for
species survival in ancient times, many adolescents don’t survive well into
adulthood within today’s social culture.
#7 Are there differences between boys and girls when it
comes to our social brains?
Neurologists can tell
you that the differences between the male and female brain is very small. In
terms of the social brain however, there are some significant differences which
compliment each other for the long term survival of our species. Go to any
kindergarten classroom and you can see how the Presidential functioning is much
stronger in the majority of the girls. In the teen years, you also see males
making some very risky decisions and not fully thinking through the
consequences to their actions. For the social brain, girls process a whole lot
more non-verbal data and do so at a much faster rate. While I don’t know if he
ever took a neurology class, the comedian Jeff Foxworthy was close when he
joked, “When it comes to social processing, women have an eight lane super
highway while men have a two lane country road.” While boys are capable of
being more emotionally and socially sensitive, our ancient brains helped
females carry out traditional roles like taking care of infants and working
together in often hazardous environments. When taken together, these
differences are designed to compliment each other and promote living and
working together.
#8 How does understanding these three social brain systems
help parents?
First of all, as I
mentioned earlier, understanding why your child is acting the way they are can
really help you be more patient and effective. Secondly, understanding your
child’s unique make-up in these areas helps you provide them with the structure
and guidance that they need. For example, a child who has a great social mirror
system but with a weak President and Tigger emotions is going to make a lot of
friends, but is then is going to need a lot of monitoring and structure to keep
them and their friends safe and out of trouble. A child with a hard working
President, average social mirroring skills and the anxiety of a Piglet, is
going to need reinforcement for taking risks and moving past his/her anxiety.
The child with low mirror abilities, a weak President and an overactive Furnace
on the other hand is going to need lots of social teaching and reinforcement
for handling the social world in a more positive manner. These approaches with
your child’s unique make up will help them more successfully relate to others
and ultimately help them structure their lives into adulthood.
#9 I know you love parent/child adventures, so tell us how
they help social development.
As you know from being
a parent, Scott, kids are very hands-on and learn best when they are actively
engaged. This is especially true when it comes to developing executive
functions, learning to manage one’s emotions, and learning how to work with
others. Going on outdoor adventures (be they in town or in nature) with your children
and teens gives them ample opportunities to learn about natural consequences as
well as opportunities to work through the many frustrations which arise while
you are out in the environment. As kids get older, it’s great to bring friends
and other parents along as you learn to share the work load and navigate those
challenging emotions which are impacting the entire group. Most importantly,
time away from modern life (especially electronics) allows you to bond with
your kids, create emotional memories and participate in some life changing
experiences. You can’t microwave your child’s development, just as you can’t
speed through their academic growth. It takes time together. That’s the main
reason I created www.adventuredad.org. All parents need a few ideas and tips in
order to create their own adventures that will bring them closer to their kids.
#10 How does the social brain help us live in community?
On a larger scale, we
know that the survival of the human species has favored those who can live and
work in a community. It’s hard to entrust one’s future into the hands of others
who can’t remember to complete their work, act on impulses, overreact
emotionally or who can’t empathize with others around them. It’s our positive
social skills which allow us to survive together. When children feel good about
their pro-social skills, it allows them to serve the community and those around
them. That’s the purpose of our social brains and for children having healthy
self-esteem.
When it comes down to
the family level, these social/emotional skills help couples form lasting,
trusting relationships. Their marital relationships form the foundation for
children to grow their relationship skills into the future. As I’m sure you
feel the same way about helping couples, it’s very exciting and gratifying for
me to help children and teens transform their negative skills and take
responsibility for their social and emotional relationships. Having at least one friend to share life with
is the difference one candle makes when placed in a dark room.
