tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41268893707569329292024-03-17T21:00:37.516-06:00Sliding vs Deciding: Scott Stanley's BlogSliding vs Deciding: This blog is about romantic relationships and marriage, with insights from relationship science about how relationships develop and what makes or breaks them. Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comBlogger211125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-194258634951459322023-07-25T12:54:00.004-06:002023-07-25T12:56:48.684-06:00Slides/Handout from talk at NARME 2023 on premarital cohabitation<p> </p><p>I gave a talk at the 2023 meeting for <a href="http://NARME.org">NARME.org</a> on 7-25-2023 with the latest findings from new data on premarital cohabitation. <br /></p><p> </p><p>You can download a pdf handout of my slides, <a href="https://app.box.com/s/yiarsbdfqo0z0hslhgvzl50d1grrb21e" target="_blank">here</a>. </p><p> </p><p>The report Galena Rhoades and I wrote from the new data collected last year by YouGov for the Institute for Family Studies is available at their blog. You can scroll to the bottom of the executive summary on <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/whats-the-plan-cohabitation-engagement-and-divorce" target="_blank">this page</a> and download the entire report. We wrote a subsequent deeper dive on the nature of the transition into cohabitation for many couples that is also at IFS, <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/maybe-i-do" target="_blank">here</a>, which is duplicated in the prior blog post here below. <br /></p><p><br /></p><p> </p><p> <br /></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-52130465389897745452023-07-21T13:17:00.006-06:002023-07-21T13:26:04.082-06:00Maybe I Do<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">By Scott Stanley & Galena Rhoades</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh8_CN1P9MEckvWI3JCifz4PcCX_kaBGWgzflWXYkqF6tJ4jPb5Cm5NNkw4A-TqeeiluosyKHMmOLax4qwMV2QSj0wTQHyAcJjN0LaCj0ciCIy96o1Pn87nPOj3CeiqFJxRBf0sChezfk_8zRnylKlM3GLkoYP4Lp9-3uVLccfoU70QPXdffwln6cKaoQx/s1600/bigstock-Rear-View-Moving-Young-Couple-347828632.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh8_CN1P9MEckvWI3JCifz4PcCX_kaBGWgzflWXYkqF6tJ4jPb5Cm5NNkw4A-TqeeiluosyKHMmOLax4qwMV2QSj0wTQHyAcJjN0LaCj0ciCIy96o1Pn87nPOj3CeiqFJxRBf0sChezfk_8zRnylKlM3GLkoYP4Lp9-3uVLccfoU70QPXdffwln6cKaoQx/w350-h233/bigstock-Rear-View-Moving-Young-Couple-347828632.jpg" width="350" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">We recently reported on ways patterns of cohabitation before
marriage are associated with marital dissolution, in a report called <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/whats-the-plan-cohabitation-engagement-and-divorce"><i>What's
the Plan? Cohabitation, Engagement, and Divorce</i></a>.<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"> </span>The report is based on U.S. data on
premarital cohabitation in first marriages in the years 2010 to 2019. We found
that those who cohabited before being engaged were substantially more likely to
have their marriages end than those who either did not cohabit before marriage
or only did so after being engaged<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn1" name="_ednref1" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[i]</span></span></span></span></a></span>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">We have predicted this pattern based on the fact that cohabitation
has greater <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">inertia</a>
than dating. Specifically, moving in together leads to a marked increase in <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5956859/">constraints</a> favoring
remaining together, but it does not, on average, lead to further growth in dedication
to a future together.</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn2" name="_ednref2" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Inertia implies that some who cohabit before marriage might have broken up if they
hadn’t lived together, and/or may enter marriage with an attenuated sense of
internal volition because of constraints<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn3" name="_ednref3" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[iii]</span></span></span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;">For some, living together is a manifestation of what Norval Glenn called
premature entanglement<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn4" name="_ednref4" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[iv]</span></span></span></span></a>
</span><span style="font-size: small;">Those who have already strongly clarified their marital intentions before
moving in together, by marriage or engagement, will be less likely to have these
risks. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Clarity and volition are foundational to the formation of
commitment. Commitment is making a choice to give up other choices<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn5" name="_ednref5" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[v]</span></span></span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>
</span>It involves making a decision. The literature on cognitive consistency and
dissonance highlights how decisions and prior acts can provide strong anchors
for follow-through, especially when these elements are explicit and perceived
to be volitional<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn6" name="_ednref6" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[vi]</span></span></span></span></a></span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">In contrast, for some people, cohabitation before clarity about
commitment may produce something more akin to “<i>maybe</i> I do” than a fully
volitional “I do” at the foundation of their marriage<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn7" name="_ednref7" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[vii]</span></span></span></span></a></span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Sliding vs. Deciding</b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">These thoughts about commitment highlight the importance of
how, when, and why couples start living together. Several qualitative studies
have looked at the process of moving in together<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn8" name="_ednref8" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[viii]</span></span></span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>
</span>Is the transition explicit and clear? Is there typically a decision reflecting
anything to do with commitment? Is the transition experienced as volitional? The
existing studies suggest that the answers to these questions are most often “No.”
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2005.00189.x">A
qualitative study</a> by Wendy Manning and Pamela Smock in 2005 focused on how the
measurement of union formation needed to adjust to differences between cohabitation
and marriage. In examining how couples make decisions about living together,
they found that there was typically no decision or discussion about the nature
of the relationship. They wrote, “Their decision may be better characterized as
a slide into cohabitation,” with “no conscious decision-making process.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Although this phenomenon had been observed before (as they
note), Manning and Smock found that just over half of the cohabiting couples they
interviewed had slid or drifted into living together without making any clear
decision about it. They concluded that the transition into cohabitation is not
like marriage and should be treated differently by researchers. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">In 1972, Eleanor <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/582689">Macklin</a> studied the relationships
of undergraduate women at Cornell. She observed that moving in together was
“seldom the result of a considered decision.” The process was gradual and
better described as something people “drifted” into. In <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/019251383004001003">a 1983 paper</a>,
Patrick Jackson noted that “cohabitation can be understood as a gradual
movement characterized by drift in a situation of opportunity isolated from
immediate social controls.” All of these researchers caught the drift, but Manning
and Smock’s sample better represents what cohabitation often looks like today. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">This pattern of sliding into cohabitation had become so
recognized in the culture by the mid-1990s that the sitcom Spin City captured
the dynamic beautifully in its first episode in 1996. The context is an upper
middle-class couple, but the dynamic is the same as described by couples at various
levels of resources. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">It’s evening and Mike (played by Michael J. Fox) learns his colleagues
are coming over, and likely will stay late working. Mike recommends that
Ashley, his girlfriend (played by Carla Gugino), head back to her place so she
can sleep. Ashely says she can’t, because she no longer has a place; the lease ran
out a few weeks before. Choking up with anxiety, Mike says, “So, we live
together? . . . I feel I should have been told.” Ashley points out all the
evidence that they had gradually come to be living together.</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn9" name="_ednref9" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[ix]</span></span></span></span></a></span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">That’s a transition without a decision. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Ambiguity versus Commitment</b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">In a paper published in 2000, Jo Lindsay <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2000-03946-008">reported</a> on interviews
with cohabiting Australians. As with the studies mentioned above, she noted the
ubiquity of gradual transitions, with many respondents reporting some form of “it
just happened.” Lindsay concluded: “Most cohabiters did not see moving in as a
significant transition, emphasizing continuity rather than change.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Lindsay further stressed a lack of ownership of any decision
or clear intention, noting that “The cohabiters minimized their agency when
they discussed their decision to move in.” They didn’t choose it; it happened
to them. In fact, only one of her 30 respondents described feeling the need to
discuss the nature of the relationship and make a clear decision about the
transition. Lindsay wrote, “If the nature of the relationship is undefined,
levels of commitment are also kept undefined.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Manning and Smock reported that most of their respondents did
not discuss—and made no decision about—marriage versus cohabitation. Lindsay noticed
that her respondents gave quick and nervous “No” answers when asked if they had
talked about marriage at the time of moving in together. In her words, they “dodged”
the topic. She noted that the transition was often deliberately kept ambiguous
to allow the exit door to be left open. This is the essence of <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/motivated-ambiguity-in-todays-dating-scene">motivated
ambiguity</a><span><span class="MsoHyperlink">,</span></span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn10" name="_ednref10" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[x]</span></span></span></span></a>
</span><span style="font-size: small;">and it is consistent with the way cohabitation has, for many, become something more
akin to dating than marriage. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">In 1995, Steven <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/019251395016001004">Nock
described</a> cohabitation as an incomplete institution, as it lacks consensual
norms, laws, and definition. It is no wonder people have trouble describing the
process of entering into it. Although cohabitation is an alternative to
marriage for some committed couples, it is generally a relationship form where
the ambiguity (and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X03257797?journalCode=jfia">lower
average levels of commitment</a><span class="MsoHyperlink">)</span> is widely
seen as a feature, not a bug. The absence of a formal decision or commitment between
two partners is part of the appeal. Options remain open, but in a context where
inertia—or life constraints like having a baby—is growing and foreclosing those
options. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Cohabitation and transitions into it are generally ambiguous
unless further defined by signals about commitment. Susan <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353727">Brown and Alan Booth</a> have shown
that cohabiters who report marriage plans are more like marrieds than cohabiters
who do not report such plans. This aligns with our focus on the timing of
commitment to marriage relative to moving in together, but we emphasize additional
reasons why that timing matters. Just as inertia implies, the risks are loaded
up for those who start living together <i>before</i> nailing down commitment in,
or to, marriage. That’s the group cohabiting in the most ambiguous context. Marriage
and engagement are non-ambiguous signals about the commitment between two
partners. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">For whom is ambiguity a risk? There is a growing divergence
in marital and family destinies based on race/ethnicity, education, and
resources<span>.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_edn11" name="_ednref11" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri", sans-serif">[xi]</span></span></span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>
</span>Those with more disadvantages have become much less likely to marry and more
likely to cohabit, with a deepening divide in family stability. We believe
that, regardless of a person’s options or pathways in life, the risks of
ambiguity grow as relationships become more serious and constraints increase. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">In 2006, we published a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x">paper</a>
in which we wove all the themes above into a theory of why cohabitation before
marriage is associated with higher average risks for difficulties in marriage,
net of selection, and we extended that reasoning to other important
relationship transitions. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> </b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The Process Matters</b></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Sliding versus deciding has many applications. The contrast
captures the way most couples move in together, which, as Manning and Smock put
it, is typically a slide. At the root, sliding reflects a process devoid of
discussion or decision. The phrasing is also great short-hand for times in life,
big or small, when a moment to make a decision is lost. For example, couples often
slide into nasty arguments when one or both partners could have decided to take
things in a different direction. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Put into the context of the formation of commitment, the
contrast between sliding and deciding highlights the chasm between ambiguous
relationship transitions and commitments founded in volition and intention. Further,
given our focus on the risks of ambiguity and inertia, we believe the word
Manning and Smock chose, “slide”, is superior to the word “drift”, which has
often been used by scholars to describe various relationship transitions. Drifting
is always passive. Sliding can be passive or active, and when active, it’s often
in the service of avoiding clarity. That matters because sliding can lead to increased
constraints that were not explicitly chosen—and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407514525885">sticking feels
different than stuck</a>. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">The widely noted decline in scripts for romantic relationship
development makes it hard for two people to clarify what is happening. As a
result, it takes more skill than it used to require to navigate relationships. Some
people have these skills, but most do not. Unfortunately, “It happened to me”
cannot possibly be as strong a foundation for commitment as an unalloyed “I
chose this.” </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>This post first appeared on the blog for the Institute for Family Studies on May 24, 2023. </i></span><br /></p>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;"><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[i]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">This pattern is durable over several decades: Stanley,
S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Amato, P. R., Markman, H. J., & Johnson, C. A.
(2010). </span><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904561/"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The timing of cohabitation and engagement: Impact on
first and second marriages</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. <i>Journal
of Marriage and Family, 72</i>, 906-918.; Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M.,
Markman, H. J., & Allen, E. S. (2015). </span><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4461475/"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Can marriage education mitigate the risks associated
with premarital cohabitation</span></a><i><span style="font-size: 9pt;">?
Journal of Family Psychology, 29</span></i><span style="font-size: 9pt;">(3),
500-506. </span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>
</span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H.
J. (2012). </span><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5956859/"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The impact of the transition to cohabitation on
relationship functioning: Cross-sectional and longitudinal findings</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. <i>Journal of Family Psychology, 26(3)</i>, 348 -
358.; The contrast between dedication and constraint (or like terms) is foundational
in theories of commitment (e.g., Michael Johnson, George Levinger, Caryl
Rusbult, and Scott Stanley). On average, dedication does increase ahead of
moving in together but then it levels off, and not at a particularly high level.
Such findings are important because it is generally desirable for dedication to
mature at a high level before constraints grow too large. </span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></span></a></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;"> Kline (Rhoades), G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H.
J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St. Peters, M., Whitton, S. W., & Prado, L. (2004).
</span><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-14778-007"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Timing is everything: Pre-engagement cohabitation and
increased risk for poor marital outcomes</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">.
<i>Journal of Family Psychology, 18</i>, 311-318.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G.
K., & Markman, H. J. (2006). </span><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Sliding versus Deciding: Inertia and the premarital
cohabitation effect</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. <i>Family
Relations, 55</i>(4), 499-509.</span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iv]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Glenn, N. D. (2002). A plea for greater concern about
the quality of marital matching. In A. J. Hawkins, L. D. Wardle, and D. O.
Coolidge (Eds.), <i>Revitalizing the institution of marriage for the
twenty-first century: An agenda for strengthening marriage</i> (pp. 45-58).
Westport, CT: Praeger.</span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn5" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref5" name="_edn5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[v]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">This point first appears in this book, which contains a
blend of insights from theology, research, and psychology on commitment in
marriage: Stanley, S. (1998). <i>The heart of commitment. </i>Nashville: Thomas
Nelson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn6" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref6" name="_edn6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vi]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Kiesler, C. (1971). <i>The psychology of commitment</i>.
New-York: Academic Press.; Brehm, J. W., & Cohen, A. R. (1962). <i>Explorations
in Cognitive Dissonance</i>. New York: John Wiley & Sons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn7" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref7" name="_edn7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vii]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">This specific observation was based on data from that
time showing that men in marriages of couples who had lived together prior to
marriage were substantially less committed to their mates than men in the
marriages of those who had not, despite the fact that all had become married: Stanley,
S. M. (2002, July).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>What is it with
Men and Commitment, Anyway?</i> Keynote address to the 6th Annual Smart
Marriages Conference, Washington D. C.; Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., &
Markman, H. J. (2004). </span><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0192513X03257797"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Maybe I do: Interpersonal commitment and premarital or
nonmarital cohabitation</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. <i>Journal of
Family Issues, 25</i>, 496-519.</span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn8" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref8" name="_edn8" style="mso-endnote-id: edn8;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[viii]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Note that these studies examine relationships
regardless of a future in marriage whereas analyses such as those we presented
in the new report are from a sample where everyone married. </span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn9" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref9" name="_edn9" style="mso-endnote-id: edn9;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[ix]</span></span></span></span></a></span>
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">They are living together in a way consistent with
our preferred definition based on inertia: two people sharing a single address
without either having their own, separate place. </span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn10" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref10" name="_edn10" style="mso-endnote-id: edn10;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[x]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Fincham, F. D.
(2011). Understanding romantic relationships among emerging adults: The
significant roles of cohabitation and ambiguity. In F. D. Fincham & M. Cui
(Eds.), <i>Romantic relationships in emerging adulthood</i> (pp. 234-251). New
York: Cambridge University Press.</span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn11" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="#_ednref11" name="_edn11" style="mso-endnote-id: edn11;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[xi]</span></span></span></span></a>
</span><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Lamidi, E. O., Manning, W. D., & Brown, S. L.
(2019). </span><a href="https://read.dukeupress.edu/demography/article/56/2/427/167966/Change-in-the-Stability-of-First-Premarital"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Change in the stability of first premarital
cohabitation among women in the United States</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">, 1983–2013. <i>Demography, 56</i>, 427-450.; Sassler, S., & Miller,
A. (2017). </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cohabitation-Nation-Gender-Remaking-Relationships/dp/0520286987"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Cohabitation nation: Gender, class, and the remaking of
relationships</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. Oakland: University of
California Press.; Smock, P. J., & Schwartz, C. R. (2020). </span><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7329188/"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The demography of families: A review of patterns and
change</span></a><span style="font-size: 9pt;">. <i>Journal of Marriage and
Family, 82</i>(1), 9-34.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
</div>
</div>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p><p><br /></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-9018593420667478342023-05-01T21:35:00.004-06:002023-05-01T21:36:30.929-06:00What's the Plan? New report on premarital cohabitation in first marriages (2010 to 2019)<p>Galena Rhoades and I have a new report out on premarital cohabitation, published by The Institute for Family Studies. </p><p>You can get it <a href="https://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/reports/cohabitationreportapr2023-final.pdf" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-13460805076092210702023-02-07T16:43:00.001-07:002023-02-07T21:05:14.659-07:00Three Studies Published on the Family Expectations Program In the Last 12 Months<p>Family Expectations is a program for lower income, expectant parents (or those who recently had a baby) in Oklahoma City that has been the subject of three large, randomized controlled trials. </p><p>We have published three papers to date on the most recent findings from an evaluation of this program. The links here will take you to full versions of articles that can be read online (1 & 3) or downloaded (2). </p><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/share/author/FXZ3GHYZWHQP4X6MHIHC?target=10.1111/famp.12762" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Impact evaluation of the Family Expectations program and moderation by sociodemographic disadvantage</a></h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"> </h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jmft.12613" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Changes in couple, parenting, and individual functioning following Family Expectations program participation</a></h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"> </h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/share/author/NN7CV6WKIXPM2A493ZCP?target=10.1111/fare.12845" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Stable Low‐Conflict Index: A policy‐relevant outcome in government‐funded relationship education efforts</a></h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"> </h3><h3 class="subtitle" data-seleniumid="article-title"><br /></h3><p></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-68128404836306117322022-10-28T13:29:00.006-06:002022-10-28T13:29:52.413-06:00News Article Updating Progress on Government Funded Relationship Education Programs<p> If you are interested in the relationship education field, you may like reading this timely update at: <a href="https://www.deseret.com/2022/10/25/23409608/fatherhood-education-relationship-classes-taxpayer-funded">DeseretNews</a></p><p> <br /></p><p><br /></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-31955310643415742002022-07-04T13:04:00.000-06:002022-07-04T13:04:25.308-06:00Are you letting fears about the future damage your future? <span style="font-family: arial;">Here’s a post of mine you may find interesting. </span><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/skyfall-how-fears-about-the-future-limit-the-life-we-live" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: arial;">“SkyFall”: How Fears About the Future Limit the Life we Live</span></a></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-80724788631231853132022-01-12T15:56:00.008-07:002022-01-21T06:20:34.366-07:00Webinar for Dibble Institute: Recording now available<p>I did a webinar for the Dibble Institute on January 12, 2020. It is available online: </p><p><a href="https://www.dibbleinstitute.org/event/webinar-sliding-vs-deciding-commitment-ambiguity-and-relationship-formation/">https://www.dibbleinstitute.org/event/webinar-sliding-vs-deciding-commitment-ambiguity-and-relationship-formation/</a></p><p>I also wrote detailed responses to questions asked during the webinar that were not covered during it. That is available here: </p><p><a href="https://www.dibbleinstitute.org/wp-new/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Stanley-Q-A-Dibble-Webinar.pdf">https://www.dibbleinstitute.org/wp-new/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Stanley-Q-A-Dibble-Webinar.pdf</a></p><p>Below, I have placed links to a bunch of posts on themes covered in the webinar. </p><p><br /></p><p>A 2018 post on trends in cohabitation based on new data from the CDC released at that time. </p><p><a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/07/cohabitation-is-common-update-on-trends.html">https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/07/cohabitation-is-common-update-on-trends.html</a></p><p><br /></p><p>An overview of the inertia hypothesis and why living together before marriage may not provide the benefits that most people expect. </p><p><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-mystery-why-isnt-living-together.html">http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-mystery-why-isnt-living-together.html</a></p><p><br /></p><p>A post reviewing the inertia theory with scores of links related to the idea that cohabitation increases inertia, which, for some couples, makes it harder to leave before they had worked out a commitment to the future together. </p><p><a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html</a></p><p><br /></p><p>A fun, engaging video from the team at PREP on inertia. </p><p>On YouTube: Relationship DUI</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/yPOSG5l_bY4">https://youtu.be/yPOSG5l_bY4</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Two articles on the research by Rosenfeld and Roesler that shook up the assumption that cohabitation before marriage no longer leads to increased risk in marriage. </p><p><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce">https://ifstudies.org/blog/premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce</a></p><p><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-cohabitation-still-linked-to-greater-odds-of-divorce">https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-cohabitation-still-linked-to-greater-odds-of-divorce</a></p><p><br /></p><p>dMotivated Ambiguity: Is this a date or not?</p><p><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/01/motivated-ambiguity.html">http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/01/motivated-ambiguity.html</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Weak and Strong Links: Asymmetrical Commitment in Unmarried Relationships</p><p><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/weak-and-strong-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in-unmarried-relationships">https://ifstudies.org/blog/weak-and-strong-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in-unmarried-relationships</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Links to papers and articles related to asymmetrical commitment</p><p><a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2019/01/some-links-about-asymmetrical-commitment.html">https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2019/01/some-links-about-asymmetrical-commitment.html</a></p> <p>You can lower your risk of divorce. Advice to singles</p><p><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2015/03/you-can-lower-your-risk-of-divorce.html">http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2015/03/you-can-lower-your-risk-of-divorce.html</a></p><p> </p><p>Searching for "The One": Mate Selection in this Modern World</p><p><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/05/searching-for-one-mate-selection-in.html">http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/05/searching-for-one-mate-selection-in.html</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Attachment and the Perfect Storm. A piece speculating about the difficulties for forming attachment in an ambiguous relationship world.<br /></p><p><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2012/03/attachment-and-perfect-storm.html">http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2012/03/attachment-and-perfect-storm.html</a><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-27597206458883475902021-08-13T06:00:00.000-06:002021-08-13T06:00:28.196-06:00Couple Identity: The Mystery of Me, You, and Us<p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">The concepts of we-ness and couple identity arise throughout
philosophy, literature, poetry, and social science. I mostly want to describe
the latter, but I will first briefly touch on a couple of the more ancient
takes. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Genesis 2 describes how Adam and Eve will be “united and
become one flesh.” Although that line is preeminently describing the physical
union, the passage resonates deeply with so many because of the implication of
a deeper bond. Aristotle wrote, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting
two bodies.” This goes further than two becoming one. As the writer of <a href="https://philosiblog.com/2012/10/29/love-is-composed-of-a-single-soul-inhabiting-two-bodies/">philosiblog</a>
notes, Aristotle was most likely inspired to write that based on the ideas of his
mentor, Plato, who wrote that humans were originally made with two heads, two faces,
and four arms and legs. Setting aside other complexities in Plato’s view, he
writes that this initial version of humans was a threat to the gods, so Zeus had
them split in two. The now half-not-whole beings were consigned to spend their
days searching for their other half. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Both of these ancient thoughts hover around the nature of
individuality and oneness, but the nuances and traditions around them are different
in how they relate to views of mating, love, and marriage. In one view, two
identities were intentionally created with the idea that they would seek to be
one in core aspects of life. In the other, one entity was split into two for
the express purpose of inflicting a weakness. There are doubtless many
variations of these ideas in every culture that ever existed. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As these and other themes suggest, there is a fundamental
human drive to seek and be in a relationship that has this quality of “us.” To
join with another. Beyond this central fact, there are healthier and less
healthy views of what “becoming us” can be like. Here, I describe how this
notion arises in my field of the study of commitment in intimate relationships.
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>We-ness</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I first heard the term “we-ness” in graduate school. That was
awhile ago but well after Aristotle wrote things down. In talking with other research
psychologists about relationships, the term would come up from time to time,
denoting a relationship where two people had formed a depth of connection that
supported a sense of shared identity. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I turned my focus to the study of commitment in 1983, I
found supporting ideas consistently arising in that literature. Harold Kelley
and John Thibaut described how two partners who were growing in interdependence
would move from having only individual goals to developing a view of the future
based on joint outcomes.<span class="MsoEndnoteReference"> <a href="#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[i]</span></span></span></a></span>
They called this “transformation of motivation.” Although they almost never
used the word “commitment,” what they were describing was the psychological
formation of it. Similarly, George Levinger noted that ‘‘as interpersonal
involvement deepens, one’s partner’s satisfactions and dissatisfactions become
more and more identified with one’s own.”<a href="#_edn2" name="_ednref2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>
Social exchange theorists such as Cook and Emerson discussed how the “transformation”
from me to we changed a relationship from an exchange market where two
individuals were competitors to a non-competitive relationship that could maximize
joint outcomes.<a href="#_edn3" name="_ednref3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></a>
One is no longer seeking (only) individual gains from the other, but something
for us as a team. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I came to view commitment between two partners as the
condition where there has emerged a strong sense of “us with a future.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of the most influential scholars in the field of
commitment in psychology was Caryl Rusbult, who, along with her many colleagues<a href="#_edn4" name="_ednref4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iv]</span></span></span></span></a>,
framed and refined a theory of interdependence drawn largely from the work of other
interdependence theorists such as Thibaut, Kelley, and Levinger. Her early work
focused was on how commitment developed in relationships, with increasing
mutual investments, curtailing of attention to alternatives, and a deepening desire
for a future with the partner. It was in a publication in 1998 by Agnew, Van
Lange, Rusbult, and Langston<a href="#_edn5" name="_ednref5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[v]</span></span></span></span></a>
that I first noticed a writer in social science using the term “we-ness.” They
used the term in contrasting friendships and romantic relationships, suggesting
that because sexuality was in play in the latter, there was a stronger
possibility of two individuals merging into one in a way that fostered we-ness.
Not really that far from the ideas of the ancients. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In 1986, I had developed a set of measures for assessing
commitment in romantic relationships, dividing the world—as had the sociologist
Michael Johnson<a href="#_edn6" name="_ednref6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vi]</span></span></span></span></a>
before me—into the broad themes of dedication and constraint. I described
subconstructs of those two dimensions and developed measures of them that Howard
Markman and I published in 1992.<a href="#_edn7" name="_ednref7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vii]</span></span></span></span></a>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I defined couple identity as “the degree to which an
individual thinks of the relationship as a team, in contrast to viewing it as
two separate individuals, each trying to maximize individual gains.” In trying
to assess whether or not a person had a sense of a shared identity with their
partner, some of the items go right to the concept of “me” vs “we.” For
example: </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I like to think of my
partner and me more in terms of "us" and "we" than
"me" and "him/her".</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Or, in the reverse: </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i>I want to keep the plans for my life somewhat separate
from my partner's plans for life.</i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>We-ness and Me-ness in Modern Times</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b> </b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Discussions of we-ness raise concerns about psychological enmeshment.
In discussions with others in psychology, the term “we-ness” always arose as a
positive thing, and a characteristic of a thriving relationship. If a
relationship was otherwise safe and healthy, we-ness was good, but the dark
side of the coin is enmeshment, which implies the obliteration of one or both
identities in some manner. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have long described a healthy sense of a couple identity with
images. These are just a few of the possibilities. </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_E3o5SLP8zOXgbngHfSN-btSztB-O5hyVwFZ0DVJainlAIexVY78Kcb2E7tCU-GiwGWY_j1OcgQAcmuGGxDHWzGS5sqa2QT0Q1HsNsw_TA3qB_656juBj-Fcf6JoyQhHOGtJt-EYFOwi/s794/we-ness+Screenshot+2021-07-08_17-27-51-179.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" data-original-height="573" data-original-width="794" height="289" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_E3o5SLP8zOXgbngHfSN-btSztB-O5hyVwFZ0DVJainlAIexVY78Kcb2E7tCU-GiwGWY_j1OcgQAcmuGGxDHWzGS5sqa2QT0Q1HsNsw_TA3qB_656juBj-Fcf6JoyQhHOGtJt-EYFOwi/w400-h289/we-ness+Screenshot+2021-07-08_17-27-51-179.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The top left image is one of many possible depictions of
enmeshment. One person’s identity is absorbed into the other. The top right
image reflects two lives being connected but without having developed an
identity of us—or at least, not yet. The final image is meant to portray a
healthy, clear sense of us, while retaining a clear understanding that there
are two separate individuals. Three identities: You, me, us. You could
certainly draw versions of the image on the bottom that reflect individual
identities that are largely included in the “us” but with parts unshared or
less shared, such as about work or deep interests of the individual identities
that are not so clearly a part of what the essence of the “us” is. The key
point is that, in a strongly committed relationship, there will be some identity
of us, and it will have a boundary. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In some relationships, there is a painful reality where both
the top right and bottom drawings reflect the reality of the relationship, with
one partner wanting the former and the other preferring or only capable of the
latter. Those are situations where one partner is <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/weak-and-strong-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in-unmarried-relationships">substantially
less committed than the other</a>, and likely a lot less willing to have,
develop, or nurture that third identity. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although there is no data that I know of that could directly
test this, it seems evident that modernity has fostered ever greater levels of
individualism. It is not hard to posit that this complicates the development of
relationships characterized by having a shared, couple identity. Yet this is
true in the same era in which we also see an emergence (or re-emergence?) of a
desire for a relationship of a sort described in a famous line from the movie
Jerry Maguire: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You complete me.” Aristotelian
elevator talk, really. That’s not just you and me developing a sense of us, that
third identity, it’s “I am not whole without you.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">All these ideas touch on the concept of soulmates. There are
versions of this idea that are appealing, but I believe it has two problems. First,
it implies that there is one perfect match out there for each person. Second,
it supports the illusion that finding that person would make love and marriage
blissful. But that <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/waiting-for-the-train-searching-for-a-mate-in-the-modern-world">search
becomes formidable</a>, and there are negative effects of holding expectations
that your soulmate will complete you in only the most wonderful way. That might
be the resolution of the paradox of a growing individualism overlapping with a
growing desire to find one’s soulmate. It would take a relationship with
astounding gravity to overcome the escape velocity fueled by individualism. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is a healthy idea of we-ness that does not imply
either enmeshment or finding perfection in a partner. Not everyone wants
we-ness. Some may desire it but avoid it out of problems with attachment that
may be directly linked to childhood experiences. But, for those who want the “us”
in their life, they will have to look for a relationship with the right balance
of me and we, and then invest in protecting it. Two perfect partners are rarely
joining as one, but two imperfect partners can get pretty far in life if they
nurture the sense of “us with a future.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><i>This article first appeared at the blog for the Institute for Family Studies, 6-14-2021. </i><br /></p>
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<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;"><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -1.8pt; tab-stops: -9.0pt;"><a href="#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[i]</span></span></span></span></a>
<span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Kelley, H. H., & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Interpersonal relations: A theory of interdependence</i>. New York:
Wiley.</span></p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-right: -1.8pt; tab-stops: -9.0pt;"><a href="#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Levinger, G. (1979).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A social exchange view on the dissolution of
pair relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In R.L. Burgess and
T.L. Huston (Eds.), <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Social Exchange in
Developing Relationships</i> (pp. 169-193).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>New York: Academic Press.</span></p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></a>
Cook, K.S., & Emerson, R.M. (1978). Power, equity and commitment in
exchange networks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>American
Sociological Review, 43</i>, 721-739.</p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[iv]</span></span></span></span></a>
There are so many citations emanating from this work, but a couple of classics
are: Rusbult, C. E. (1980).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Commitment
and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Journal of Experimental Social Psychology,
16</i>, 172-186.; Rusbult, C. E., & Buunk, B. P.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(1993) Commitment processes in close
relationships: An interdependence analysis. <i>Journal of Social and Personal
Relationships, 10</i>, 175 204.</p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn5" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref5" name="_edn5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[v]</span></span></span></span></a>
Agnew, C. R., van Lange, P. A., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998).
Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close
relationships. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 74, 939-954.</p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn6" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref6" name="_edn6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vi]</span></span></span></span></a>
e.g., Johnson, M. P. (1973).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Commitment:
A conceptual structure and empirical application.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Sociological Quarterly, 14</i>, 395-406.</p>
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"> </p>
</div>
<div id="edn7" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref7" name="_edn7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[vii]</span></span></span></span></a>
Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (1992). Assessing commitment in personal
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Journal of Marriage
and the Family, 54</i>, 595-608. DOI: 10.2307/353245</p>
</div>
</div>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-8784827041435906992021-02-12T21:10:00.006-07:002021-02-12T21:23:01.255-07:00Premarital Cohabitation and the Odds of Divorce: The Latest Research<p class="MsoNormal">
</p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2Rs55BID2N6JREDuR4OSzKUkYRUNdB7VVxb0Kovrp9RCz6lQcibjYUnxASpxMYae16v_9lmPqmalNXw3bLgttxAj9ZaHtrjYzBABySn6hhVG_9RZQilFqdzJolR5rZWUmq4cwQL7ScMe/s960/toa-heftiba-Ju7ycYj8jfQ-unsplash.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2Rs55BID2N6JREDuR4OSzKUkYRUNdB7VVxb0Kovrp9RCz6lQcibjYUnxASpxMYae16v_9lmPqmalNXw3bLgttxAj9ZaHtrjYzBABySn6hhVG_9RZQilFqdzJolR5rZWUmq4cwQL7ScMe/w249-h400/toa-heftiba-Ju7ycYj8jfQ-unsplash.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo: Toa Heftiba via unsplash.com</span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>You might think the question about the link between
premarital cohabitation and divorce would have been settled long ago, but researchers
have puzzled about it for decades and the puzzling lives on. Part of why the issue
draws so much interest is that <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/testing-a-relationship-is-probably-the-worst-reason-to-cohabit">the
vast majority</a> of people believe that living together before marriage should
improve the odds of doing well even though research has not supported that belief.
This is an update on the latest in this long-running saga of research on the cohabitation
effect. <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In 2018, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12530?af=R&">Michael
Rosenfeld and Katharina Roesler</a> published a study that contradicted the
growing consensus in sociology that premarital cohabitation was no longer
associated with greater odds of divorce, even though <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x">it
had been associated with poorer marital outcomes for decades</a>. The
explanation <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00960.x">various
scholars had given</a> for the cohabitation effect going away are based on the
diffusion perspective, which suggests that cohabitation has become so common it
no longer selects for those already at higher risk, and also that it has lost the
stigma it once had, leading to more acceptance by friends and family. But Rosenfeld
and Roesler’s study showed that the association between premarital cohabitation
and divorce has not declined over the years in any substantial manner. They
argued that prior studies showing no negative associations were based on
samples that did not include marriages that had lasted long enough to fully
capture the increased risk for divorce. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rosenfeld and Roesler also showed something new in their
2018 study: cohabitation before marriage was associated with a lower risk for
divorce in the first year of marriage but higher risk thereafter. They
interpreted this finding in light of experience theories, noting that living
together before marriage could give couples a leg up at the very start of
marriage because there is less of an adjustment to getting married because the
moving in together transition has already happened. But they found this
advantage to be short-lived. Other factors related to experience may take over
from there, such as how cohabitation can <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353948?seq=1">increase acceptance of divorce</a>.
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rosenfeld and Roesler’s study caused a stir in the field,
and this past December, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of
Marriage and Family</i> published two pieces related to their 2018 findings.
The first is a comment on the study by <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jomf.12724">Wendy Manning,
Pamela Smock, and Arielle Kuperberg</a> and the second is a response by <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jomf.12744">Rosenfeld
and Roesler</a>. The articles are illuminating about the complexities of cohabitation
and the challenges of studying such effects in social science. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce">a
prior article</a> on Rosenfeld and Roesler’s 2018 publication, Galena Rhoades
and I described the study and competing theories for why living together before
marriage can be associated with lower odds of success in marriage (i.e.,
selection, experience, and inertia). I refer you to that article for more background
information than I will get into here about the ways living together might
increase risks for some couples.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>The Critique by Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In their critique, Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg make two
primary criticisms of Rosenfeld and Roesler’s study. First, they argue that their
statistical models include multiple and confounding measures of time. Their
article is an excellent primer on just how many, and how complicated, are the
decisions and steps to prepare a data set such as the one used in these papers for
such analyses. In both the original study by Rosenfeld and Roesler, and in the
critique and response, these family scholars use the National Survey of Family
Growth (NSFG). </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Second, Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg emphasize the
important decisions one has to make when using the NSFG about age ranges. Here
is just a sample of that complexity: </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><i>For example, if one is using the
1988 data to examine marriages dating back to 1970, as Rosenfeld and Roesler
do, the experiences of women married in 1970 would represent a narrow age
range: women who were 15–44 years old in 1988 but who were 26 years old or
younger in 1970. Another age truncation issue is that relatively long marriages
cannot be observed with these data without bias toward those that occurred at
young ages. For example, a 15-year marriage can only be observed for women who
married at age 29 or younger. </i>(p. 3) [i]</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is the basis for their assertion that it is best to
limit the analytic sample for this research to marriages of 10 or fewer years
duration. In essence, Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg argue that Rosenfeld and
Roesler made a number of decisions about the sample and statistical modeling that
are inconsistent with the prior literature and not sound. They present further analyses
in their response and stand by their claim that the cohabitation effect has
disappeared. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Rosenfeld and Roesler’s Reply</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rosenfeld and Roesler state that Manning, Smock, and
Kuperberg misinterpreted how time-related variables had been handled in their
original study, noting that the authors of the critique could have asked for clarification
instead of building arguments around false assumptions. More importantly, they further
explain their belief that prior works (along with new analyses by Manning,
Smock, and Kuperberg) are based on decisions that leave out 70% of the relevant,
available sample. This is primarily the result of that decision to limit the
analytic sample to marriages of 10 years or less duration, as noted above. Manning,
Smock, and Kuperberg contend that this is standard, best practice when using
the NSFG, while Rosenfeld and Roesler argue the decision unnecessarily limits
sample and statistical power, causing a data-based bias in favor of finding
that there is no longer a divorce risk associated with premarital cohabitation.
This is a matter of disagreement that has important implications. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Their reply also makes clear just how methodologically
important their prior finding is showing that premarital cohabitation is
associated with lower odds of divorce in the first year of marriage but greater
odds thereafter. Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg attempted to replicate that
finding and did not obtain it (but using options they preferred, not the same
set up as Rosenfeld and Roesler). Rosenfeld and Roesler point out that their
critique actually does display evidence of this first-year finding, but that the
effect was not statistically significant because of the smaller sample. [ii] Thus, Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg do not account for that effect in other
models the run. In practice, that is not an unusual decision, but Rosenfeld and
Roesler believe that this decision is partly based on the problem they see in restricting
the sample based on duration of marriages. Overall, they believe these
decisions lead to analyses that are less likely to find the increased risk for
divorce. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><i>Filtering out the couples who
have been married longer (as MSK do) enhances the Recent Cohort Fallacy because
in the very early stages of marriages, premarital cohabitation reduces the risk
of marital breakups. </i>(p. 6)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rosenfeld and Roesler also assert that Manning, Smock, and
Kuperberg do not adequately account for the timing of children. They explain
that cohabiters are much more likely than non-cohabiters to already have
children at the time of marriage, and this difference has nearly doubled over
the decades. Thus, cohabiting couples who married in later cohorts were quite a
bit more likely than those marrying earlier to already have a child when they
married, and the extra stability from having children that has changes by
cohorts over the years is another factor that lowers the apparent cohort-based association
between cohabitation and divorce. [iii]
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rosenfeld and Roesler’s stand by their conclusion that the
average increased risk for divorce associated with premarital cohabitation is
mostly unchanged over the last 40 years. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Comment and Implications</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As I stated at the outset, most people believe cohabitation should
improve one’s odds of marital success. Rosenfeld and Roesler’s work suggests this
may only be true very early in marriage. Otherwise, not so much. As ever on
this subject, questions abound. Are marital outcomes truly worse for those who
live together before marriage, and, if so, for whom? For example, it is less
clear that things work the same way, on average, for <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00960.x">African
Americans</a><span class="MsoHyperlink"> who cohabit</span>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cohabitation-Nation-Gender-Remaking-Relationships-ebook/dp/B072N6MSJ7/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528340123&sr=8-1&keywords=cohabitation+nation">economic
disadvantage</a> is deeply embedded in how cohabitation relates to risk in
marriage. [iv]
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of the most intriguing questions remains, why is there
any association with risk? As Manning, Smock, and Kuperberg note, the long-accepted
conclusion in sociology is that differences in marital outcomes based on
premarital cohabitation are due to selection—that the added risk is really
about who cohabits and who does not. Selection is surely a large part of the
story. Of course, on top of that, they argue the risk is no longer evident. Rosenfeld
and Roesler disagree. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although there are strong arguments on each side, I believe
Rosenfeld and Roesler get the better of the debate. They make a compelling case
for their analytic decisions and findings. Further, they clearly describe how
the choices affect the findings (theirs, and that of others). Wherever a family
researcher stands on these decisions and debate, the whole matter provides an
feast of interesting questions and controversies. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The argument that the <i>overall</i> cohabitation effect
will disappear has not been compelling to me, although I have no trouble
accepting the possibility. There are two explanations for how the experience of
cohabitation might increase risks for <i>some</i> couples, net of selection: <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353948?origin=crossref&seq=1">changes in
attitudes</a> [v] and inertia. My colleague Galena Rhoades and I are leading proponents of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x">the
latter theory</a>, which contains no obvious reason to anticipate a negative
effect going away for a large subgroup of those who cohabit prior to marriage. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Inertia emphasizes that when two people move in together, all
other things being equal, they are making it harder to break up. If so, the
state of the relationship, especially at the time of moving together,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>should matter. Some couples are, in essence, increasing
the constraints to remain together (including, for some, on into having
children and marrying) prior to dedication being clear, mutual, and high. [vi] We believe that is part of why waiting until marriage, or at least engagement, is
associated with lower risk in seven <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">studies</a>.
That findings also exists in the NSFG, including one of the papers suggesting the
overall cohabitation effect is gone (<a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00960.x">Manning
and Cohen, 2012</a>). </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Also, it is worth noting that all of the studies related to
the controversy about whether or not the cohabitation effect still exists focus
only on the odds of divorce and not on marital quality. In <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19203165/">one of our studies</a>, Galena
Rhoades and I show that marital quality is lower among those who started living
together before engagement or marriage (as inertia theory predicts), and in marriages
occurring during the period of time when others have argued that the overall
cohabitation effect no longer exists. [vii]
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of the other stories in this controversy is endemic to social
science. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Researcher_degrees_of_freedom">Researcher
degrees of freedom</a> is a concept referring to the fact that the reported findings
we end up reading about in social science come at the tail end of a great many consequential
decisions by the researchers on matters of data sets, included or excluded variables,
and statistical models. Rosenfeld and Roesler make a strong plea for transparency
in how researchers make their decisions. They are also circumspect in stating
that the extraordinary complexity of changes in marriage and cohabitation in
the last five decades make it impossible to account for all that may matter
when analyzing and interpreting data on this subject. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is no simple answer for questions about premarital
cohabitation. There is no experiment one can conduct to prove X leads to Y. Would
you participate in an experiment where researchers could randomly assigned you
to either path A or path B to study the differences in outcomes over the course
of your life? Me either. As Rosenfeld and Roesler put it, “. . . all models of
complex reality are flawed” (p. 3). Count on that, and count on the interesting
saga of research on premarital cohabitation to continuing. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>A </i><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-cohabitation-still-linked-to-greater-odds-of-divorce"><i>briefer
version of this article </i></a><i>was first publish on the site for the
Institute for Family Studies, on January 12, 2021. This is the extended version
with more detail and more extensive footnotes. </i></p>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;"><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>i. These page numbers are those in the advance, online publications of these
paper. Once the articles appear in the printed journals, they will have different
page numbers. </p>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>ii. This is possible because an estimate of an effect can be noisy, having a lot of
variability in a sample around whatever average size of effect is obtained.</p>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>iii. Although it is true that cohabiting parents are more likely to break up than
married parents, including those having children prior to marrying, it is also
true that having children makes it more likely a couple will stay together or
stay together longer—which makes the matter a big deal in analyzing outcomes
related to divorce. Rosenfeld and Roesler argue that the specific way Manning,
Smock, and Kuperberg control for children at marriage makes the control
variable a proxy for cohabiting before marriage. Because having children before
marriage is differentially changing across cohorts, they argue that the net
effect favors the overall finding that the cohabitation effect has gone away. Related
to this issue of children before marriage, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00600.x">Tach
and Halpern-Meekin</a> showed that some portion of the premarital cohabitation
effect is driven by premarital cohabiters being more likely to have non-marital
births before marriage. One can easily argue that cohabitation and child
effects are hopelessly intertwined. Still, either factor can easily be seen to
have the same implications for a causal risk of the sort Galena Rhoades and I
have focused on, where relationship transitions fit a pattern of the constraints
on staying together increase substantially prior to maturing of dedication to
be together. Such factors can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x">prematurely
create inertia</a> for a relationship to continue when a different path may
have seen the relationship end or helped a couple form clearer decisions
supporting commitment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt;">iv. As one example, an important matter running through
all these themes is how two people can signal commitment to each other and
those around them. Cultural context is important, as I wrote</span><a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2011/09/marriage-and-cohabitation-another-take.html"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> long ago</span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt;">: “</span><span style="background: white none repeat scroll 0% 0%; color: #222222; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I do, by the way, believe that
cohabitation can signal higher levels of commitment (compared to not
cohabiting) among some who are very poor. I think it likely that the potency of
a signal is partially related to what other signals are available. For many
complex reasons, marriage is so far off the radar screen in terms of experience
for many in poverty that another signal like cohabitation can take on signal
value.”</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
</div>
<div id="edn5" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref5" name="_edn5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>v. <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353948?seq=1">This paper by Axinn and
Barber in 1997</a> is one of the most brilliant conceptual pieces in the
literature on cohabitation. To me, the arguments are as fresh now as when they
were written. </p>
</div>
<div id="edn6" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref6" name="_edn6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>vi. Norval Glenn had made a similar suggestion around the same time we were
developing our theory, focusing on the idea that “premature entanglement”
foreshortened a solid search for a good match between mates (<a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Revitalizing-Institution-Marriage-Twenty-First-Century/dp/0275972720/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Revitalizing+the+institution+of+marriage+for+the+twenty-first+century%3A+An+agenda+for+strengthening+marriage&qid=1610334199&sr=8-1">Glenn,
2002</a>). He and I had dinner at a conference around 2000, and it was quite a
delight sharing ideas framed from different theoretical systems (mate selection
and search versus commitment theory) that led to similar implications. I also
highly recommend this article by <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x">Sassler,
Addo, and Lichter (2012)</a>. </p>
</div>
<div id="edn7" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<p class="MsoEndnoteText"><a href="#_ednref7" name="_edn7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span></span></span></a>vii. It is a fair point to note that this study of ours, in particular, is based on
vastly simpler sample and design (using a random phone sample) than studies
using the NSFG. On the other hand, analyses of relationship quality based on
cohabitation history in existing marriage have a built-in bias against finding
lower marital quality for those who cohabited prior to marriage or engagement.
Such samples have already selected out those who divorced and are no longer
married (thus, not in the sample), likely biasing tests for differences in
marital quality toward non-significance. Still, if you think about either the
experience theory of cohabitation or the inertia theory of cohabitation, we see
no reason to believe the risk should abate for those who move in together prior
to having figured out their intended future. </p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-27419239297840442382020-09-08T15:34:00.007-06:002020-09-08T15:54:37.773-06:00Protecting Your Relationship in the Shadow of Corona<p> The Corona virus raises new challenges for our most cherished relationships. <br /><br /></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMfyo3CI1jOtfTxs2zOaFlAWhpzPu0x3TFgwHtWJhvgYcdvjNes9c4lRkMc4BiAJqvcpPGyZKjX3PX4Owhhyphenhyphen8wu9hRU97bRaM9ywkeuF64IDbq1k60KvlmlPecpcgjGkXifS56t50Rm7tl/s2048/julian-wan-DWaC44FUV5o-unsplash.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMfyo3CI1jOtfTxs2zOaFlAWhpzPu0x3TFgwHtWJhvgYcdvjNes9c4lRkMc4BiAJqvcpPGyZKjX3PX4Owhhyphenhyphen8wu9hRU97bRaM9ywkeuF64IDbq1k60KvlmlPecpcgjGkXifS56t50Rm7tl/s320/julian-wan-DWaC44FUV5o-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo by Julian Wan on Upsplash<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><br />There are three keys that my colleagues and I have stressed in our work to help couples.<span style="font-size: xx-small;">1</span> They are simple to remember and potent. They may help you, now. <br /><br /><p></p><div style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Do your part. </li><li>Decide, don’t slide. </li><li>Make it safe to connect.</li></ul></div><div><p><br />These three keys could frame a public health campaign but my focus here is on a relationship health campaign, the relationship you have with your spouse, mate, or partner. These ideas will also apply to any relationship that matters dearly to you.<br /><br /><b>Do your part</b><br /><br />C19 (my shorthand for the virus) has introduced massive uncertainties and stress into our lives. So many things feel out of control because they are. As ever, we do best when we focus on what we can do in our relationship over what we think our partner should do. You can influence your partner but you can only control yourself (if you are in a healthy relationship). To be sure, there are times when one partner needs to confront, challenge, or nudge the other about their behavior. That can also be doing your part, but, in day-to-day moments, we do best to focus on what we can do to make a difference. <br /><br />What things can you do to strengthen and protect your relationship during this time? <br /> <br /><b>Decide, don’t slide</b><br /><br />There are two applications of this key, one about transitions and one about moments. <br /><br />Transitions: People often slide through potentially life-altering relationship transitions. To understand how much this can matter, consider two fundamental aspects of commitment: dedication and constraint. Dedication is about the “want to.” It encompasses the desire for a future together, the will to sacrifice for one another, and having an identity of being a couple (in addition to being individuals). In contrast, constraints reflect the mix of things that would be either costs and losses of leaving or poor alternatives. Constraints can be good or bad, depending on the quality of a relationship. If you have a great marriage, you have a lot of constraints. If you have a damaging, dangerous, awful marriage, you likely also have a lot of constraints. <br /><br />Constraints can be chosen or not, and that makes all the difference in understanding commitment. Commitment is making a choice to give up other choices. It is choosing to be constrained because you believe in the path you are choosing. Deciding. In contrast, sliding often increases constraints but they are not chosen as much as experienced as inertia creeps up to continue forward on a path not clearly chosen. When a transition can deeply impact what follows, it’s worth deciding and not sliding. <br /><br />C19 presents a massive transitional moment, maybe unrivaled since World War II. At home, routines are disrupted, and roles that had worked great for years may not work well now. With disruption, it’s time (and opportunity) for discussions and decisions. You do not need to talk about everything or even most things, but it is worth talking about the things where not sharing can lead to consequential sliding. You don’t want to lose options without making a choice. <br /><br />Here are a few ideas. <br /></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Who does this or that in this present time? </li><li>How does working remotely affect you as a couple?</li><li>If one of you is still working outside the home, how does that affect you both or the family? Is there added risk and concern? How can you work together coping with that? </li><li>What does positive time together look like, now? </li><li>Money, income, debt—what will it have been better to make decisions about?<br /></li></ul><p>If you think about it a bit, you will know what should be on your list. Realize that decisions can be re-decided as things change. That’s a strength, not a weakness. And, slides can be converted to decisions you both share. <br /><br />Moments: “Decide, don’t slide” also pertains to moments where you could either let something hurtful happen, decide to let something go, or even do something to show you care. <br /><br />Many are on edge and worried. Fuses are short. One says X, the other hears Y, and off you go into an argument or, almost worse, a missed opportunity to connect. In these moments, sliding is the easy but costly path. My colleagues and I teach couples to take Time Outs to protect their relationship from things going awry. I don’t mean “go-sit-in-the-corner” social distancing. I mean the type of Time Out a team calls when they need to stop their ragged play and reset their game—as a team. <br /><br />One person can use this concept to stop a slide to the bad side: “I’m not at my best right now but I know we should talk about this. Can we a little break and come back to this in a bit?” That can work, especially if the “come back” part happens. It works all the better if both partners have decided to use the strategy and use an agreed-upon signal for when taking a time out is the smart play—like using the words “Time Out” in a constructive way. “I would like it if we took a Time Out on this for a little bit.” <br /><br />One member of the team should not keep dribbling when the other is trying to get a time out called. <br /><br />There are so many other moments where a decision will beat a slide. Don’t try to “decide” about everything, but look for the moments and at the issues where deciding beats sliding. <br /><br /><b>Make it safe to connect</b><br /><br /><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/safety-and-successful-marriages" target="_blank">Types of safety</a> can describe the foundations of good relationships. Physical safety is freedom from fear, physical harm, and control. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, there are people at the National Domestic Violence Hotline who would want to help (US number): 1-800-799-7233. <br /><br />Emotional safety is being able to talk and share, to feel accepted; it’s having and giving support and acknowledgement. It gets at what most people want deeply in their closest relationship. It’s also easily damaged. <br /><br />Change, worry, and exhaustion create the perfect conditions for nasty comments, criticism, cold distance, or avoidance—all things that damage emotional safety. Escalation, where little arguments grow to big conflicts, is a hallmark of a couple not being able to maintain emotional safety. My colleagues and I have written for decades about various patterns that represent “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fighting-Your-Marriage-Best-seller-Preventing/dp/0470485914/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438634781&sr=8-1&keywords=howard+markman" target="_blank">communication danger signs</a>,” while similar patterns were more creatively named the “<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438634731&sr=8-1&keywords=john+gottman" target="_blank">four horsemen of the apocalypse</a>” by John Gottman. That is pretty fine language for our times. I’m a little envious. <br /><br />You make it safe to connect by doing your part to make it so you both feel heard, loved, accepted, and secure. That means communicating well, reigning in the harsh words, listening, and showing care. Here are just a few more ideas: <br /><br /></p><p style="margin-left: 40px; text-align: left;">Do you struggle to communicate well under normal circumstances? Lean to do that better. There are many ways to learn how. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JmGR8XHbJY&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">We have one that you can start learning on YouTube</a>. <br /><br />Cut your partner and your children some slack. React less. Listen more. More margin, less edge.<br /><br />Get good at some form of Time Out. <br /><br />Hug more (observing proper social distancing, where appropriate) <br /></p><p><br />This is an unusually direct suggestion that some of you may find useful, and I freely announce my conflict of interest in making it. If you have a little extra time, and you want to learn some strategies for strengthening your relationship right now, we have an online version of our program for couples at <a href="http://lovetakeslearning.com">lovetakeslearning.com</a>. It’s not expensive. It’s an option. One among many. <br /><br /><br />Consider this the moment in your life where you have the opportunity to raise your game as a couple and a family. Three keys. You might need only one to get through the gate. </p><p> </p><p>* * * </p><p> <i>If you would like more detail on the three keys, we have an open access journal article, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/famp.12575" target="_blank">here</a>. <br /></i></p><p><i> 1. For example, in our books such as Fighting for Your Marriage, and our relationship education approach for couples, <a href="https://prepinc.com/" target="_blank">PREP</a> (the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program). I am a researcher at the University of Denver, but my colleague Howard Markman and I also own a business that disseminates adaptations of PREP. I note this as a disclosure of interest. <br /></i></p><p> </p><p></p><p><br /><br /></p></div>Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-20041438970981032042020-02-15T07:38:00.003-07:002020-02-15T08:52:31.419-07:00The Nuclear Family Was No Mistake<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
David Brooks, opinion columnist of the New York Times, wrote a thoughtful and somewhat provoking piece entitle <i><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/03/the-nuclear-family-was-a-mistake/605536/" target="_blank">The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake</a></i> that appeared in The Atlantic last week. His article has received much attention.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqk3FFVom1W3OVF2p2suEtQYxV1bGcS0ffKfE1ywABNgTR66_2nV61QnVTqV48ClcmB2ehyz8W83uNrwGx9cbpWysI-DJexvmuOyALwAkZOg-_4hkSsrL_xQfcy_rRJ-qXPYL4LKYAAp9F/s1600/kelly-sikkema-WvVyudMd1Es-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqk3FFVom1W3OVF2p2suEtQYxV1bGcS0ffKfE1ywABNgTR66_2nV61QnVTqV48ClcmB2ehyz8W83uNrwGx9cbpWysI-DJexvmuOyALwAkZOg-_4hkSsrL_xQfcy_rRJ-qXPYL4LKYAAp9F/s320/kelly-sikkema-WvVyudMd1Es-unsplash.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
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Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Kelly Sikkema</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/family?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></div>
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Brooks' essential arguments were that the nuclear family is a relatively recent (in history) family form, that it has come to foster detachment and disconnect, that it may have damaged extended family connections, and that something new is emerging and encouraging wherein people forge families and close connections in the absence of nuclear families. <br />
<br />
The <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/symposium-was-the-nuclear-family-a-mistake" target="_blank">Institute for Family Studies</a> published a symposium of opinions on its blog, including rejoinders from a number of scholars from different perspectives, challenging, supporting, refuting, and discussing various aspects of the arguments Brooks raised. Several (Hymowitz, Cherlin, & Stanley) directly challenge some of the inferences about the nuclear family, noting its close ties to the most fundamental of human relationships, the pair bond. Most all deal with, and share, a major concern of Brooks--the decline of connection in our society. <br />
<br />
Brooks has encouraged an important discussion for our times. <br />
<br />
The rejoinders are relatively brief pieces. Here are links to them all. <br />
<br />
Scott Stanley (University of Denver): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/when-wants-conflict-with-needs-a-response-to-david-brooks" target="_blank">When Wants Conflict with Needs: A Response to David Brooks</a><br />
<br />
Andrew Cherlin (Johns Hopkins University): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/david-brooks-is-urging-us-to-go-forward-not-backward" target="_blank">David Brooks is Urging Us to Go Forward, not Backward</a><br />
<br />
Richard Reeves (The Brookings Institute): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/david-brooks-is-correct-both-the-quality-and-quantity-of-our-relationships-matter" target="_blank">David Brooks Is Correct: Both the Quality and Quantity of Our Relationships Matter</a> <br />
<br />
Kay Hymowitz (Manhatten Institute): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/yes-david-brooks-the-nuclear-family-is-the-worst-family-form-except-for-all-others" target="_blank">Yes, David Brooks, the Nuclear Family is the Worst Family Form—Except for All Others</a><br />
<br />
Rod Dreher (The American Conservative): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/david-brooks-is-right-the-nuclear-family-was-destined-to-die-" target="_blank">David Brooks Is Right—The Nuclear Family Was Destined to Die</a><br />
<br />
Wendy Wang (Institute for Family Studies) & W. Bradford Wilcox (University of Virginia): <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/what-do-we-know-about-extended-families-in-america-a-response-to-david-brooks" target="_blank">What Do We Know About Extended Families in America? A Response to David Brooks</a><br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-45192681257747546222020-01-07T20:07:00.001-07:002020-01-11T09:02:06.231-07:00"Don't Worry, Be Happy" is Not a Plan: Give me a Lever<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS2JlYmDc-wBimDEyflvLeEOLPQDnBmllvCK6Rv8CYcEMWOeIWffVkUFuQIkGVKaWHRAsnuELN97UnSjV43eolJyXGhWolGpTGfkCTryCPL2klZyD4qAE9tzjdx6SY5RFVqJkx9uRRVyvp/s1600/bigstock-Two-Boys-Moving-Bale-Of-Hay-Wi-271596235.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="962" data-original-width="1600" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS2JlYmDc-wBimDEyflvLeEOLPQDnBmllvCK6Rv8CYcEMWOeIWffVkUFuQIkGVKaWHRAsnuELN97UnSjV43eolJyXGhWolGpTGfkCTryCPL2klZyD4qAE9tzjdx6SY5RFVqJkx9uRRVyvp/s320/bigstock-Two-Boys-Moving-Bale-Of-Hay-Wi-271596235.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Give me a place to stand, and a lever long enough, and I
will move the world.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Archimedes</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The famous quote by Archimedes is fundamentally about the mechanics
of leverage. You might remember a teacher explaining fulcrums and levers, and
how a lever could help you move a heavy weight with less force than otherwise
needed. Though the mechanics are interesting, what captivates me most in this is
the simple idea of there being a lever to pull that will make something else
happen. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over my career, I keep returning to the importance of differentiating
between the kinds of constructs used by researchers to describe romantic
relationships. I believe some constructs imply levers that might be pulled to
cause an effect, and others do not. This distinction matters theoretically and in
our personal relationships. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Construction</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Psychologists use the term “construct” to refer to cluster
of things that reflect a concept. It is easy to think of a construct in the way
most people use the term variable, but the idea of a variable usually refers to
a specific measure of a construct as used in a study. Common constructs in the
study of romantic relationships are things like satisfaction, commitment,
conflict, appreciation, forgiveness, distress, attachment, and communication. A
variety of things can be included in a construct but, in each case, there is a ball
of stuff around a label reflecting one inherent thing. A construct has a clumpy,
thingness to it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to romantic relationships, satisfaction has
gotten the most attention. Satisfaction is part of the same ball of stuff as happiness.
This clump represents an overall, broad sentiment about a relationship.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[i]</span></span></span></span></a>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a researcher and intervention minded psychologist, I’m
not wild about the construct of satisfaction, and I can explain why. Think
about some other constructs relevant to romantic relationships. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Communication</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Commitment</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Sacrifice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Investment </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Support</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Empathy</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Forgiveness</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is different about these constructs from satisfaction? First,
notice that all those terms refer to something more specific than satisfaction.
If your friend has started dating someone, and you are curious to know how it’s
going, you might text and ask, “do you like her?” The answer will tell you a
lot without telling you anything specific. Liking, happiness, and satisfaction
are all part of the same clump of non-specific positive sentiments. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More importantly, each of those constructs just listed—and
many others—have plausible levers. They each imply someplace to stand and
something to pull. In other words, those constructs are actionable. Although they
each can also reflect something about the current state of a relationship, it’s
that idea of something to pull that sets them apart from satisfaction. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Willful</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Satisfaction, and anything like it, will predict a good deal
about the future of a relationship. It is an important construct and nearly
always measured in relationship science. It also can cause other things and yet
still be relatively lever-less. For example, if a person is not satisfied in
their relationship, they may give their partner less attention and their
relationship will deteriorate further. In that case, satisfaction is causal by
way of motivation—demotivating, really. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The notion of levers focuses attention on a different thing
than just causality. A construct with a lever will reflect something that could
be plausibly acted on by will. Thus, having a lever means the construct is potentially
both causal and possible to direct. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s say you wanted to increase satisfaction in your
relationship this week. I do not think you will get very far with a plan that
merely specifies your objective. Can you will yourself to be happier? I cannot.
Can you decide to just be more satisfied with your partner? You could, but if you
decide to do that you will shortly thereafter be thinking about your options to
do something that could make that happen. A construct with a lever will imply an
answer to a question, “What has a lever I could go pull this evening, that
would probably have a good effect on my relationship, tonight, this week, or
this year?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are some possible answers. You can decide to listen more
to your partner. You can work at articulating more clearly what you want. You
can show your commitment by some tangible act like inviting your partner to do
something with you that you both enjoy. You can look for ways to provide more emotional
or tangible support to your partner around an ongoing personal struggle. You
can show joy about something your partner has achieved. Lever-actions, all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can see this principle in various things my colleagues
and I have written over the years about commitment. The following is a passage
from a chapter on how to use commitment theory in marital therapy (from Stanley,
Lobitz, & Dickson, 1999)<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn2" name="_ednref2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>:
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>While satisfaction is certainly
a crucial construct, focusing on it alone will lead to incomplete
understandings of the complex motivations that underlie stay-leave decisions
(Johnson, 1978, 1982, 1985; McDonald, 1981; Stanley & Markman, 1992;
Rusbult, 1983). Furthermore, satisfaction alone gives therapists little
instruction in how to help unhappy couples. "Don't worry, be happy"
makes a great motto, but it does not offer much in terms of specific therapeutic
strategies. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>. . . </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>The good news is that the
factors that underlie dedication are things about which people have choices.
People can choose how they will handle the allure of alternatives. People can
choose the priority they will place on their relationships. People can choose
to nurture a positive, long-term vision for their relationship. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many models of measurement and theory about
commitment, but one that resonates the most with me contrasts commitment as
constraint and commitment as dedication. Constraints are things that can lead
someone to remain in a relationship, whether or not they want to, and constraints
tend naturally to build up over time. They often function harmlessly or even
positively (as evidence of investment and a brake on ruining years of
investment during a down time), but if satisfaction is low, they are what makes
a person feel trapped. Constraints are hard to change or change quickly. Dedication,
in contrast, is loaded with parts (sub-constructs) that are festooned with possible
levers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consider this next list and how everything on it reflects
not only something that will tell you something about a person’s commitment to
their partner but will also leave a clue about aspects of behavior that might
be changed to make a difference. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Priorities</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A desire
for a future together</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sacrifice </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Couple
identity</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A person can think about ways to make their relationship a
higher priority, and likely do something even slightly different the next day.
For example, a person can choose to find ways to reinforce something about the
future they want with their partner. That could mean planning a trip together
or simply talking about the future with their significant other. Sacrifice, especially in little things, can also play a
potent role in signaling commitment. There is a small but conceptually tight
literature on sacrifice that suggests that, aside from situations where
sacrifice is grossly uneven or resented, little sacrifices are going to make a positive
difference.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn3" name="_ednref3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk26164449;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk26164449;"> </span>I have written a <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2015/03/doing-that-thing-you-do-redux.html" target="_blank">briefarticle</a> about some of the ways one can focus on small acts of sacrifice in their
relationship. Small positive sacrifices not only reflect this idea of levers, they
might also have the very property Archimedes touted where a little effort can
do a lot. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a similar distinction in another paper, where we are
differentiating dedication from romantic attachment (from Stanley, Rhoades,
& Whitton, 2010)<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn4" name="_ednref4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iv]</span></span></span></span></a>:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>If commitment develops partly to
secure romantic attachments, which aspects of the broader construct of
commitment serve this purpose? . . . Constraint can foster a sense of
permanence, which can contribute to overall security, but dedication will be
reflected in behaviors that are more readily seen as under personal control,
and, thereby, informative about commitment in ways that fosters trust and
security between partners. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>. . . </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i>One of the important differences
between commitment and romantic attachment lies in the fact that intention is
central in understanding commitment while romantic attachment only implies
depth of emotional connection. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">These examples are focused on aspects of commitment because that
has been a focus of a lot of my thinking about relationships, but it is just an
example of my main argument about constructs with levers. I often similarly
contrast communication with satisfaction, where communication implies loads of levers
and satisfaction does not. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Rock your world</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I bet Archimedes believed that he could literally move the earth
with a long enough lever, a fulcrum, and a place to stand just beyond it—hypothetically,
of course. And you and me? Sometimes we’re looking too hard for something to
rock our world when we just need to pull the lever that is nearest to where we
presently stand. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
</div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
</div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
</div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
<i>Special thanks to Troy Fangmeier for help in editing this piece. A shorter version of this piece first appeared at my blog for Psychology Today on 12-3-2019. </i><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[i]</span></span></span></span></a>
In fact, satisfaction is potentially so broad a construct that many in my field
of family psychology keep referring back to a concept of positive sentiment
override, a term put forth by Robert Weiss to describe a phenomenon where one
partner can hold such a positive overall sentiment about the other partner that
pretty much nothing but positive can be seen. There can be negative sentiment
override, also. This idea comes up often in discussions with colleagues over
the years when the question is asked if some other construct is really just
satisfaction by a different name. Citation: Weiss, R. L. (1980). Strategic
behavioral marital therapy:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Toward a
model for assessment and intervention, Volume 1. In<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>J. P. Vincent (Ed.) <i>Advances in Family
Intervention, Assessment, and, Theory</i> (pp. 229-271). Greenwich, CT: JAI Press.</div>
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>
Stanley, S.M., Lobitz, W.C., & Dickson, F. (1999). Using what we know:
Commitment and cognitions in marital therapy. In W. Jones & J. Adams (Eds),
<i>Handbook of interpersonal commitment and relationship stability</i> (pp.
379-392). New York: Plenum.</div>
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></a>
Especially on this point, see: Wieselquist, J., Rusbult, C. E., Foster, C. A.,
& Agnew, C. R. (1999). Commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust in
close relationships. <i>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77</i>,
942-966.; and also: Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., Low, S. M., Clements, M.
L., & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sacrifice as a predictor of marital outcomes. <i>Family
Process, 45</i>, 289-303.</div>
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[iv]</span></span></span></span></a>
Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). Commitment:
Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment. <i>Journal of
Family Theory and Review, 2</i>, 243-257. DOI: 10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00060.x</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-32202031002187767542019-12-19T08:35:00.003-07:002019-12-19T08:47:46.100-07:00Best Practices in Relationship Education<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">My colleagues and I have written a new journal article on best
practices in relationship education. You can get a copy of it (free access)
from <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419">here</a>.
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here are some out-takes from key sections. </span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Effectiveness of Relationship Education</span></i></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There are
numerous meta‐analyses of studies examining effectiveness of relationship
education (e.g., Arnold & Beelman, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0009"><span title="">2019</span></a></span>; Carroll &
Doherty, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0031"><span title="">2003</span></a>; Hawkins &
Erickson, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0067"><span title="">2015</span></a>; Hawkins,
Blanchard, Baldwin, & Fawcett, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0066"><span title="">2008</span></a>; Fawcett, Hawkins,
Blanchard, & Carroll, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0046"><span title="">2010</span></a>). There has been
evidence of effectiveness on measures of relationship quality, including
communication and relationship satisfaction (.30 < <i>d</i> <.36;
Hawkins et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0066"><span title="">2008</span></a>). Several studies
have shown positive effects on relationship stability, including less breakup
and divorce (e.g., Moore, Avellar, Patnaik, Covington, & Wu, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0095"><span title="">2018</span></a>; Stanley et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0132"><span title="">2014</span></a>). Other studies
have shown effects on parenting behavior (.10 < <i>d < </i>.16;
Adler‐Baeder et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0001"><span title="">2013</span></a>; Cowan, Cowan,
Pruett, Pruett, & Wong, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0035"><span title="">2009</span></a>; Moore et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0095"><span title="">2018</span></a>). Additionally,
there is evidence that relationship education is associated with reduced
likelihood of intimate partner violence (IPV; e.g., Antle, Karam, Christensen,
Barbee, & Sar, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0007"><span title="">2011</span></a>; Braithwaite & Fincham, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0022"><span title="">2014</span></a>; Markman, Renick,
Floyd, Stanley, & Clements, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0087"><span title="">1993</span></a>; Moore et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0095"><span title="">2018</span></a>). This fact was
noted in a report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
(Niolon et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0096"><span title="">2017</span></a>). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">. . . </span></i></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Who Benefits Most From Relationship Education?</span></i></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The evidence
to date is that participants at greater risk tend to demonstrate the most
benefit from relationship education (e.g., Allen, Rhoades, Stanley, Loew, &
Markman, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0002"><span title="">2012</span></a></span>; Bradford,
Adler‐Baeder, et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0017"><span title="">2014a</span></a>; Carlson et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0029"><span title="">2017</span></a>; Gubits,
Lowenstein, Harris, Hsueh, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0050"><span title="">2014</span></a>; Halford & Bodenmann, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0054"><span title="">2013</span></a>; McGill et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0092"><span title="">2016</span></a>; Williamson et al.,
<a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0145"><span title="">2015</span></a>). Indicators of
risk that have been associated with more benefit from relationship education
include higher levels of relationship distress (Carlson et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0029"><span title="">2017</span></a>; Hawkins & Erickson, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0067"><span title="">2015</span></a>; Williamson et al.,
<a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0145"><span title="">2015</span></a>); cohabitation
before committing to marriage (Rhoades, Stanley, Markman, & Allen, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0111"><span title="">2015</span></a>); infidelity history
(Allen et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0002"><span title="">2012</span></a>); and
sociodemographic risks, such as family instability, economic disadvantage, and
minority status (e.g., Amato, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0005"><span title="">2014</span></a>; Halford, Sanders,
& Behrens, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0059"><span title="">2001</span></a>; Stanley et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0132"><span title="">2014</span></a>). Conversely, there
is evidence that those with especially acute problems (i.e., aggression and
alcohol abuse) may benefit less (Williamson et al., <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0145"><span title="">2015</span></a>). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">. . . </span></i></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Participant motivations revisited</span></i></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The findings
from the effectiveness trial including <i>OurRelationship</i> and <i>ePREP</i>
noted earlier highlight an important issue. The effect sizes for the impacts
found for these approaches (so far) have tended to be larger than what is found
in traditional, workshop‐based relationship education provided to disadvantaged
couples. This discrepancy could be due to any number of factors, including the
benefits of online access, the specific approaches used, or differences in
research designs (long‐term RCT vs. shorter term, waitlist control RCT).
However, we believe the primary factor is the difference in motivation (and
relationship quality) of those being served. When participants are distressed
and seeking help, they have a lot of room for gains on measures of relationship
quality compared with couples in more purely preventive applications. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">There is a
place for both purely preventive relationship education and relationship
education delivered to couples who are struggling. Understanding who is served,
how they were reached, and why they attend is crucial for understanding
research on relationship education.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">. . . </span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Relationship Education as a Service—and an Opportunity</span></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The room
people find their way into is the room they were able to enter. Whether the
service provided is exactly what is most needed or not, showing up creates
opportunities to make people aware of other services. Because relationship
education carries so little stigma, people who might need other, more stigmatized
services (therapy, substance use treatment, etc.) can enter the relationship
education door more easily than other doors. Thus, it is valuable to provide
information about other services that may be relevant for participants.
Although it is not advisable to assume that specific participants need
additional help when they have not indicated they want help, we do recommend
providing everyone who attends with information about additional resources
available in the community. This strategy can also boost awareness of the
relationship education services among providers providing these other services
in the community. The goal is to leave people with more information than they
had walking in the door. This strategy is strongest if educators demonstrate approachability
so that those needing more help are comfortable asking for it (e.g., Daire,
Carlson, Barden, & Jacobson, <a data-tab="pane-pcw-references" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/fare.12419#fare12419-bib-0036"><span title="">2014</span></a></span>). </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">* * * </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Citation: Stanley, S. M., Carlson, R. G., Rhoades, G. K., Markman,
H. J., Ritchie, L. L., & Hawkins, A. J. (2019). Best practices in
relationship education focused on intimate relationships. Family Relations.
Advance Online Publication. https://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12419 </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Note: This paper is open access under a creative commons license that
allows anyone to quote liberally from the article as long as attribution is
given. Disclosure: I (Scott Stanley) co-own a business that disseminates
relationship education materials and training. </span></span></span></div>
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-60738066135878125372019-10-07T11:58:00.003-06:002019-10-07T12:42:52.591-06:00Thoughts on the Typical Meaning of Predicting Divorce <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The researcher who wrote the following tweet has a nice thread on some technical details about difficulties scientists have with prediction of things in humans. It explains one of the major problems in predicting. Clicking on the tweet will take you to the beginning of his thread. <br />
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<a href="https://twitter.com/MaartenvSmeden/status/1134388823310422016" target="_blank"><img alt="https://twitter.com/MaartenvSmeden/status/1134388823310422016" border="0" data-original-height="235" data-original-width="398" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXp6lJcBj63VNfOw8BcI3oBgXrLrVT5ycvcpOkfoXsDwxqChvIWWI6WpCgopNSgvt2N1iPCUXKk2GA5OflUFXCXBA30IOwJ182XxGcmied78xz9l2TqNPUpr3aDwy9klq4w5lapTRcq8v5/s400/MVS+tweet.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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In my field (psychology, studying marriage), much has been made of the ability to “predict” divorce. But, that’s not really what the takeaway of the research on that subject should be.<br />
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To start with, when researchers say you can predict divorce with over 90% accuracy, it’s not really prospective prediction. It’s classification after the fact in a given data set. Such models will not perform as well in a new, other data set. For a great article on the technical matters, in this field related to predicting divorce, see this article.<br />
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<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1622921/" target="_blank"><img alt="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1622921/" border="0" data-original-height="321" data-original-width="395" height="325" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw5fK6MjX2oLrwuv7S6p8puz0YKAHBgSXGL9WjLXnXMyy4T-yZ0NGlQWfp8WHXCiaooHNhYN9CoHmWsY6hwxpBP5nQtVMArAQxiZZFvizqgRnAcjG0dmq4Xc5_xxs1OiVF-NWS4UrvDH78/s400/PMC+doc+hazards+of+predicting+divorce.png" width="400" /></a></div>
Further, even in those types of studies, there is usually massive measurement, often including objective coding of couple interaction. This is just not something available to anyone in the practice world working with non-study couples.<br />
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Many of us in psychology have published these types of studies. A better takeaway from such studies is that they show patterns that are associated with increased odds of problems in the future (and present) of a relationship.<br />
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That kind of information <i>is </i>valuable for highlighting risks and working to help couples think about what is possible for them to improve their odds. But, predicting a specific couple is going to make it or not? You can have an empirically-informed guesses but it’s hard to go beyond that.<br />
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All that being said, if you want the divorce risk for a couple you are working with, asking a couple questions will tell you pretty much.<br />
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How sure are you that you want to be with your partner in the future? <br />
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Have you been thinking about or talking about divorce?<br />
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Sometimes, just asking directly what you want to know can get you a lot of information. <br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-19391426924513447722019-07-15T13:45:00.001-06:002019-07-15T13:45:58.008-06:00Article that I posted at the Institute for Family Studies on Mandy Len Catron's piece in the Atlantic<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I will cross post this here some day soon, but for now, here is the link for the article that I wrote at IFS.<br />
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Between <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/07/case-against-marriage/591973/" target="_blank">Mandy Len Catron's piece in the Atlantic</a> and this piece here, you have a pretty deep dive in the cultural, and personal, discussions people are having about marriage and cohabitation.<br />
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<a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/3-questions-that-can-clarify-commitment-a-response-to-mandy-len-catron" target="_blank">3 Questions That Can Clarify Commitment: A Response to Mandy Len Catron</a><br />
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Have at it. </div>
Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-3107669394930230052019-01-28T19:58:00.002-07:002019-02-28T17:41:28.706-07:00Some Links about Asymmetrical Commitment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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My colleagues and I have published a number of articles about asymmetrical commitment in relationships--especially in unmarried romantic relationships. I have argued in many places that asymmetrical commitment is likely an increasingly common phenomena of romantic relationship development. The reason is that there are fewer steps and stages--less clarity about signals of commitment--in current patterns of dating and mate selection.<br />
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I will not state all the particulars here, but, instead, want to provide some links to the body of work we have around this important concept.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFG_vaHUGOwaBMsz_RCD4pNxBGhx4mN7HSCISbCWYo3I3u5XQdpbyQcneEE0EberWgBzl5IZJhAgbGT4U6lj6_v-BR6wL5-YBAkHcv9Q2LPh73WdENf62qpLo5DadieRw1zpJ2Ioc1pa2g/s1600/Screenshot+2019-01-28_19-57-09-672.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="539" data-original-width="1050" height="164" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFG_vaHUGOwaBMsz_RCD4pNxBGhx4mN7HSCISbCWYo3I3u5XQdpbyQcneEE0EberWgBzl5IZJhAgbGT4U6lj6_v-BR6wL5-YBAkHcv9Q2LPh73WdENf62qpLo5DadieRw1zpJ2Ioc1pa2g/s320/Screenshot+2019-01-28_19-57-09-672.png" width="320" /></a><br />
1. A short video of me explaining asymmetrical commitment and its association with ambiguity between partners about the nature of the commitment in their relationship, using the illustration of a teeter-totter (or, if you rather, a see-saw). <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfLVw8EL6ww" target="_blank">CLICK HERE</a>.<br />
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2. A theoretical overview and review of key findings on the concept in a digestible blog article by me and Galena Rhoades. <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/11/weaky-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in.html" target="_blank">CLICK HERE</a>.<br />
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3. A paper of ours showing that there are greater levels of asymmetrical commitment among couples who lived together before either marrying or having clear, mutual plans to marry--and that the asymmetry does not abate at all, years into marriage:<br />
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Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J. (2006). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?term=Pre-engagement+cohabitation+and+gender+asymmetry+in+marital+commitment.">Pre-engagement cohabitation and gender asymmetry in marital commitment</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 553-560.<br />
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4. A paper of ours showing that asymmetrical commitment is associated with lower relationship quality, even controlling for levels of commitment between partners:<br />
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Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2012). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22736881" target="_blank">A longitudinal investigation of commitment dynamics in cohabiting relationships</a>. Journal of Family Issues, 33(3), 369-390.<br />
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5. A paper of ours examining associations between asymmetrical commitment and a) various dimension of relationship quality (e.g., relationship adjustment, aggression), b) relationship characteristics (e.g., cohabitation, plans for marriage), and c) break-up among unmarried couples in serious relationships:<br />
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Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Scott, S. B., Kelmer, G., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2017). <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407516672013" target="_blank">Asymmetrically committed relationships</a>. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34, 1241–1259. Advance online version published in 2016.<br />
[This paper has a pretty detailed literature review of the research by various scholars on asymmetrical commitment. Full word-doc, author version, <a href="https://app.box.com/s/irw6nzw8lc47l6iv4lk8l77wz0j608gk" target="_blank">available here</a>.]<br />
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6. A paper of ours on the characteristics of individuals who are in asymmetrically committed relationships, including variables such as alternative quality and attachment dynamics:<br />
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Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Kelmer, G., Scott, S. B., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2018). <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/famp.12397" target="_blank">Unequally into “Us”: Characteristics of individuals in asymmetrically committed relationships</a>. Family Process.<br />
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A blog entry summarizing the findings of this article above. <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/10/unequally-into-us-characteristics-of.html" target="_blank">CLICK HERE</a>.<br />
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A video abstract about this same article. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9C-DJHZGTY" target="_blank">CLICK HERE</a>.<br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-50059075316504555432018-10-10T17:26:00.000-06:002018-10-23T17:28:45.480-06:00Unequally into "Us": Characteristics of individuals in asymmetrically committed relationships<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">AntonioGuillem via BigStockPhotos</td></tr>
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Our newest journal article is out. It's about the characteristics of individuals that are associated with it being more likely to be an asymmetrically committed relationship (ACR) compared to those not in such relationships. The study focuses on a sample of unmarried adults (aged 18 to mid thirties) in seriously involved relationships. Asymmetrically committed relationships are more likely to break up (especially if the woman is the less committed partner), more likely to be unhappy, more likely to include physical aggression (by either partner), and more likely to be found in cohabiting rather than dating, but not living together, relationships.<br />
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Here are a few highlights:<br />
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Those who are the less committed partner within an asymmetrically committed relationship are more likely to:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>perceive themselves as having good alternatives to their present relationship</li>
<li>be attachment avoidant</li>
<li>have parents who never married (but not more likely to have parents who divorced)</li>
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Those who are the more committed partner within an asymmetrically committed relationship are more likely to: </div>
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<li>have anxious attachment </li>
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Regarding commitment and attachment, those with attachment avoidance tend to hang back and those with anxious attachment tend to hang on. These are not surprising findings but it is important to observe them not only in regarding to mere high or low commitment, but regarding being in the higher or lower position of commitment in an asymmetrical relationship. </div>
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There are other findings covered in the paper, including about numbers of prior sexual and/or cohabiting partners, infidelity, and so forth. </div>
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The paper covers the existing literature on ACRs pretty deeply, so it provides a great way to get a solid sense of what is known on this topic. The paper also provides suggestions for working with individuals or couples in therapy or relationship education based on the existing, and growing, literature on asymmetrical commitment. </div>
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To read the abstract, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/famp.12397" target="_blank">click here</a>.<br />
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To see me discussing the study in a "video abstract" for the The journal Family Process, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9C-DJHZGTY" target="_blank">click here</a>.<br />
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For an earlier summary on this blog of our research on unequally committed relationships, and their numerous negative characteristics, <a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/11/weaky-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in.html" target="_blank">click here</a>.<br />
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If you have no way to access the entire article and want to read it, email me at my university email address, on <a href="https://www.du.edu/ahss/psychology/facultystaffstudents/faculty-listing/stanley.html" target="_blank">this page</a>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Citation: <span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">Stanley,
S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Kelmer, G., Scott, S. B., Markman, H. J., & Fincham,
F. D. (2018). Unequally into “Us”: Characteristics of individuals in
asymmetrically committed relationships. </span><i style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif;">Family
Process</i><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;">. doi: 10.1111/famp.12397. Advance online version: </span><span class="MsoHyperlink" style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/famp.12397">https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/famp.12397</a></span></span><br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-78425505192589336732018-08-01T14:42:00.004-06:002019-01-14T18:24:33.540-07:00Family Transitions & Children: Trends Over 25 Years for Cohabitation and Marriage <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This is among the most interesting (and lucid) reports on cohabitation, marriage, and family instability for children to come along in a while. Rackin & Gibson-Davis, just out in @JMF_NCFR.<br />
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<a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12522" target="_blank">https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12522</a><br />
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1) Transitions in home are an important predictor of child well-being. Study examines contributions to changes in number of transitions for children based on population changes in marriage and cohabitation over the past 25 years, by maternal education. Using NSFG.<br />
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2) Rackin & Gibson-Davis studied transitions (in or out of relationships) that children are exposed to (but findings are similar for transitions out, hence, instability implications).<br />
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3) There is some evidence that the number of transitions for children has finally plateaued, after going up for decades (Brown, Stykes, & Manning, 2016). But, is this because cohabitation as context for children has become more stable? Has it?<br />
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4) Findings from Rackin & Gibson-Davis: Children born to more highly educated parents experience far fewer transitions (1/4th as many) than children born to low and moderately educated. Moderately educated catching up to less educated.<br />
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5) Overtime, there was an increase in number of transitions for children for both the mod and low education groups; this was driven by the huge increase in the prevalence of cohabitation vs. marriage for these groups.<br />
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6) The pace of transitions has slightly decreased, though, for cohabitation; but this is greatly offset by the increased prevalence of cohabitation. That’s a key part of what Rackin & Gibson-Davis are showing.<br />
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7) Among the highly educated, marriage has become, if anything, even more likely the context for children, and more stable over time. In fact, among the highly educated, only 7% of children born to the 2005-2010 cohort were born outside of marriages. <br />
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8) As the authors note:<br />
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“Although cohabitations among these mothers did become slightly more stable, the increased stability of cohabitation was not occurring fast enough to offset the expanded pool of children exposed to cohabitation.” (p. 13) The authors note a hope that cohabitation will eventually become more stable for children but it remains far less stable for now, and that for that to occur, “cohabitation churning would have to decrease much more rapidly than it has during the past 25 years.” (p. 14)<br />
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My take: This is an excellent study examining the intersection of SES, trends over time, and family transitions that impact children.<br />
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Cite: Rackin, H. M., & Gibson-Davis, C. M. (2018). Social class divergence in family transitions: The importance of cohabitation. Journal of Marriage and Family. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12522<br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-20238700244555913772018-07-14T18:01:00.000-06:002018-07-14T18:06:15.610-06:00Cohabitation is Common: An Update on Trends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Scott M. Stanley and Galena K. Rhoades<br />
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The CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) put
out a <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr111.pdf">report</a></span> in May on
the demographics of cohabitation, with interesting contrasts among adults who
are cohabiting, married, or neither. The report is based on a large, representative,
national survey of U.S. adults aged 18 to 44, sampled between 2011 and 2015. To
conduct the analyses, the authors (Nugent and Daugherty) selected only adults
who had sexual intercourse with a partner of the opposite sex. They did that to
ensure the groups were comparable in some respects regarding their histories in
intimate relationships. The groups reflect those who were currently cohabiting,
married, or neither at the time of being surveyed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cohabitation,
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The report shows that, as of 2015: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b><br />
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<li>17.1% of women and 15.9% of men were cohabiting</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">44.9% of women and 43.5% of men were married</span></li>
<li>38.0% of women and 40.6% of men were unmarried, and
not cohabiting</li>
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This type of data does not address pathways over time, such
as how many among the current cohabiters will eventually marry or how many of
those not currently residing with a partner will eventually do either or
neither. However, the data do provide estimates of the number of times people
in the groups had cohabited outside of marriage up to the time they were surveyed.</div>
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Sixty-seven percent (67%) of those currently married had
cohabited before marriage with one or more partners.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Many of those currently unmarried or not cohabiting had cohabited before.
Fifty-one (51.4%) of the women in that group had lived with one or more
partners before, and 42.9% of the men had done likewise. Doing a little math, we
estimate from the report that 64.5% of the entire sample has cohabited with a
romantic partner at some point outside of marriage. That’s not the percent of
people sampled who will cohabit outside of marriage at some point in their
lives, though. The lifetime percent for this group would, of course, be higher.
To get that number, you’d have to follow everyone in the sample until each person
had either cohabited or died. That could be a long wait. (It might be that
Facebook could eventually tell us those numbers.) <o:p></o:p></div>
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The data on premarital cohabitation history in this sample
will be an under-estimate because the marrieds make up a higher percentage of
the older people in that age range, and there is every reason to believe that
the youngest, non-marrieds in the sample are more likely to cohabit prior to
marriage than those who are older. Other estimates not based on this specific
report are that the percentage of people living together before tying the knot is
now at an all-time high of over 70%.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn2" name="_ednref2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
We believe this figure will go higher still. There remain some groups,
particularly the more traditionally religious,<span class="MsoEndnoteReference"> <a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn3" name="_ednref3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a></span>
who will not live together before marriage, but otherwise, cohabitation is
common and there is little stigma associated with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Thus, a very high percentage of people in the U.S. cohabit
outside of marriage. It is now normative behavior. Wendy Manning <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.bgsu.edu/content/dam/BGSU/college-of-arts-and-sciences/NCFMR/documents/FP/FP-13-12.pdf">has
estimated</a></span> that, “The percentage of women ages 19-44 who have ever
cohabited has increased by 82% over the past 23 years.” For those aged 30-34 in
2009-10, she has shown that <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://www.bgsu.edu/content/dam/BGSU/college-of-arts-and-sciences/NCFMR/documents/FP/FP-13-12.pdf">73%
of women had already cohabited</a></span> with someone. If you combine such
numbers with the fact that, as Susan Brown has shown, there is a steady
increase in cohabitation among older adults (after the death of a spouse or
divorce),<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn4" name="_ednref4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
it is easy to imagine that the number of people who will eventually cohabit
outside of marriage could reach 80%, or more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cohabitation has greatly increased in large measure because,
while people are delaying marriage to ever greater ages, they are not delaying
sex, living together, or childbearing. In fact, on the latter point, Manning
noted in her recent address to the Population Association of America that
almost all of the <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://twitter.com/EnglandPaula/status/990016090435604481">increase in
non-marital births in the U.S</a></span>. since 1980 has taken place in the
context of cohabiting unions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cohabiting with more than one partner outside of marriage
has also gone steadily higher.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn5" name="_ednref5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[v]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
The NCHS report does not demonstrate the trend, but the data reported do show that
44% of the currently-cohabiting group and 20% of the neither cohabiting nor
married group has already lived with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">two
or more</i> partners. Ever higher levels of serial cohabitation mean that more
people are on one of the pathways strongly associated with risks for family
instability or divorce.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn6" name="_ednref6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[vi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Prior research has shown that serial cohabitation is strongly associated with
economic disadvantage among unmarried couples,<span class="MsoEndnoteReference"> <a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn7" name="_ednref7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[vii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a></span>
lower odds of marriage, and increased odds of poor marital outcomes, but serial
cohabitation is growing rapidly among different population groups.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn8" name="_ednref8" style="mso-endnote-id: edn8;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[viii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Increasing rates of cohabitation as well as serial
cohabitation might be of no special consequence except for the point noted above,
that many births now occur in cohabiting unions. Some percentage of these
couples have a long-term commitment similar to marriage, but, on average,
cohabiting parents are much more likely than married parents to break up,<span class="MsoEndnoteReference"> <a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn9" name="_ednref9" style="mso-endnote-id: edn9;" title=""><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ix]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a></span>
resulting in increasing odds of family instability for children. Much of this
risk is due to selection, a subject we will come to below. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Other Characteristics
of these Groups<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other findings from the NCHS report are consistent with the
way that basic family patterns have increasingly diverged around cultural,
educational, and economic lines. For example: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>47.9% of cohabiting women had household incomes
less than 150% of the federal poverty line compared to 25.6% of married women</li>
<li>36.1% cohabiting men had incomes less than 150%
of the federal poverty line compared to 21.2% of married men</li>
<li>25.2% cohabiting women had incomes over 300% of the
federal poverty line compared to 48.1% of marrieds</li>
<li>32.4% of cohabiting men had incomes over 300% of
the federal poverty line compared to 52.4% of marrieds</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is one of the more striking examples of the fact that a
lot of cohabiting women and men tend to be poor compared to married women and
men. The data on education follow the same pattern, of course. Married people
had the most education followed by those who are not married or cohabiting,
with cohabiting people reporting lower levels of education than the other two groups.
For example:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>25.3% of cohabiting women had a bachelor’s
degree compared to 43% of married women</li>
<li>16.2% of cohabiting men had a bachelor’s degree
compared to 36.5% of married men</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the education levels of many of the cohabiters in this
sample will go higher over time, the findings from many studies show that cohabitation
(particularly with cohabiting relationships not leading directly to marriage) is
associated with being more disadvantaged, on average.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn10" name="_ednref10" style="mso-endnote-id: edn10;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[x]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
The data are consistent with the story of a class divide around marriage and
cohabitation.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn11" name="_ednref11" style="mso-endnote-id: edn11;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Attitudes and
Experiences<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This NCHS report also presents differences in the three groups
based on attitudes and experiences about unmarried sex, cohabitation, and
having children outside of marriage. Not surprisingly, both of the non-married
groups are less traditional in their views than those who are married. These
findings are reflected in the table below from the report. [click on it to view it]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While there are clear differences, large majorities of every
group believe that having and raising children without being married is fine; this
is endorsed by the greatest number of cohabiters. Of course, that finding would
have been quite different decades ago. Marrieds are the most disapproving of
cohabitation outside of marriage, but even most of the married group agreed
that it is all right to do so. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJBmadvcNWRFnKB0qrPoo1xEliQiDpleZ28pYPayRjacQD2CWx-xpmSsHPkTDQF-osGyvNMeX2tQu-CWfE_ytO2SGFbxbjSRWAKt8TfZmydBk3uysrpKfRxd25ryG6BfOdtLLM8FCWPgT7/s1600/cdc.tif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="598" data-original-width="1600" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJBmadvcNWRFnKB0qrPoo1xEliQiDpleZ28pYPayRjacQD2CWx-xpmSsHPkTDQF-osGyvNMeX2tQu-CWfE_ytO2SGFbxbjSRWAKt8TfZmydBk3uysrpKfRxd25ryG6BfOdtLLM8FCWPgT7/s400/cdc.tif" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Majorities of every group also believe that living together
before marriage may help prevent divorce. This is of particular interest to us
given our research related to this question.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn12" name="_ednref12" style="mso-endnote-id: edn12;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xii]</span></span></span></span></a>
The percentage believing this was highest for those currently cohabiting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This notion has had wide acceptance since at least the mid-1990s,
when three-fifths of high school students believed that, “It is usually a good
idea for a couple to live together before getting married in order to find out
whether they really get along.”<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn13" name="_ednref13" style="mso-endnote-id: edn13;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xiii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
It is worth noting that there is virtually no evidence in support of this
belief. However, it is also fair to note that there used be a lot clearer
evidence to the contrary. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regardless, we believe that there is considerable evidence
that some patterns of living together before marriage are associated with increased
risks for less successful marriages. We do think experiences and choices matter
for future outcomes. This assertion is mildly controversial among those who
study cohabitation. To be sure, there is a mountain of evidence for selection
in both who cohabits and who will cohabit in the riskier ways. What that means
is that people who are already at greater risk for worse outcomes in
relationships because of things like family background, disadvantage, or
individual vulnerabilities are also more likely to do any of the following: cohabit
and not marry, cohabit before having clear, mutual plans to marry, or cohabit
with a number of different partners over time. There is plenty of evidence of
other patterns in the NCHS report related to cohabiters being more select for
various relationship risks. Consider the following findings. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Relationship Risks Associated with Cohabitation</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cohabiters were more likely (74%) than those currently
married (56%) to have had sexual intercourse before the age of 18. Cohabiting
women were also more likely to report ever having an unintended birth (43.5%) compared
to married women (23.9%). These types of patterns are associated with life-long
risk factors already present in the lives of many people. Of course, you could
argue that such differences also reflect choices people make that have
potentially causal, life-altering consequences. Such debates are endless, but
we do not doubt a huge role for selection in all of this. And yet, we believe there
often are causal elements impacting life outcomes related to the experience of
cohabitation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, it has been shown that cumulative cohabiting experience
changes peoples’ beliefs about marriage.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn14" name="_ednref14" style="mso-endnote-id: edn14;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xiv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
While that research is older, the theory behind the research is compelling. Much
research shows we learn from experiences and experiences change our beliefs. We
believe that the increase in cohabitation, serial cohabitation, and premarital
cohabitation has led to consistent downward trends in belief that marriage is special.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Second, cohabitation makes it harder to break up, net of
everything else. Because of the <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x">inertia</a></span>
of living together, some people get stuck longer than they otherwise would in
relationships they might have left or left sooner. In fact, we believe some
people marry someone they would otherwise have left because cohabitation made
it too hard to move on. Inertia should be the greatest problem for couples who
had not decided beforehand on their future, such as by already having mutual
plans to marry (e.g., engagement) or, of course, by first marrying. While the
increased risk can be modest, the prediction is consistently supported with at
least <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">seven
reports using six different samples</a>,</span> showing that those who start
cohabiting before deciding to marry report lower average marital quality and
are more likely to divorce.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn15" name="_ednref15" style="mso-endnote-id: edn15;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
This added risk is compounded by the fact that most couples slide into
cohabiting rather than make a clear decisions about what it means and what
their futures may hold.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn16" name="_ednref16" style="mso-endnote-id: edn16;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xvi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Third, cohabitation is increasingly a context for childbearing.
Since cohabiting parental unions are relatively unstable, the <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/01/not-your-steppin-stone.html">increasing
number</a></span> of couples <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/07/moving-in-and-moving-on-cohabitation-is_25.html">who
break up</a></span> in such unions will mean more people entering future
relationships with the challenge of children in tow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Evidence of selection abounds but so do reasons for
believing that <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/practice-may-not-make-perfect-relationship-experience-and-marital-success">experiences</a></span>
and <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/selection-effects-and-personal-choice">personal
choices</a></span> are relevant to life outcomes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Complexity Abounds<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These ever-changing patterns in relationship and family
development are complex, and they do not operate in the same way for all. For
example, there is <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-cohabitation-shapes-young-african-americans-marriage-attitudes">research</a></span>
suggesting that cohabiting experiences may lead to more positive attitudes
about marriage among young, African American adults. More broadly, as Sharon
Sassler and Amanda Miller argue in <span class="MsoHyperlink"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cohabitation-Nation-Gender-Remaking-Relationships-ebook/dp/B072N6MSJ7/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528340123&sr=8-1&keywords=cohabitation+nation">Cohabitation
Nation</a></i></span>, there are various social class disparities that impact
things like if and how soon a person will move in with a partner. Some pathways
will lead to different sets of outcomes for different people, and some people
have more ability (economic and personal) to avoid paths that increase the odds
of poor outcomes.<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_edn17" name="_ednref17" style="mso-endnote-id: edn17;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[xvii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The extraordinary changes of the past four decades reflect
how ordinary cohabitation has become. There is no a simple story here, only an
ever-unfolding one of increasingly complex families.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> It
cannot be determined from these data if this means that 67% would have
cohabited before marriage with their spouse, but presumably, that is a
reasonable estimate for those doing so. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Hemez, P. & Manning, W. D. (2017). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/hemez-manning-30-yrs-change-women-premarital-cohab-fp-17-05.html">Thirty
years of change in women's premarital cohabitation experienc</a></span>e.
Family Profiles, FP-17-05. Bowling Green, OH: National Center for Family &
Marriage Research. That’s for the United States, but the rates are similarly
high in all industrialized nations. In a recent address to the Population
Association of America, I believe Manning put that number at around 75%. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[iii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> There
is a nuance here for this new report. The group that is excluded by the
selection criteria (about having had sexual intercourse with someone of the
opposite sex) are those in that age range who have neither married nor had
sexual intercourse up to this point in their lives. Because of that, the
estimate of 67% living together before marriage for this particular age range
at that point in history would be a little high. We cannot say how high but do
not doubt that the percent who will live together before marriage of the current
generation of young adults is now over 70%.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[iv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> Brown,
S. L., Bulanda, J. R., & Lee, G. R. (2012). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3516860/">Transitions into
and out of cohabitation in later life</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Marriage & Family, 74(4)</i>, 774-793.
doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00994.x<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn5" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref5" name="_edn5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[v]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> This
trend is noted in the NCHS report but the report itself does not present data
on that trend. The authors cite earlier studies on the increase in serial
cohabitation: Cohen J, & Manning W. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/">The relationship
context of premarital serial cohabitation</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Social Science Research, 39</i>, 766 – 776.; Lichter, D. T., Turner,
R.N., & Sassler S. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0049089X09001227">National
estimates of the rise in serial cohabitation</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Social Science Research, 39</i>, 754 – 765. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn6" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref6" name="_edn6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[vi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Lichter, D. T., Turner, R.N., & Sassler S. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0049089X09001227">National
estimates of the rise in serial cohabitation</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Social Science Research, 39</i>, 754 – 765.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn7" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref7" name="_edn7" style="mso-endnote-id: edn7;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[vii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Ibid Lichter et al. (2010); Lichter, D., & Qian, Z. (2008). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2008.00532.x">Serial
cohabitation and the marital life course</a></span>. Journal of Marriage &
Family, 70, 861-878.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn8" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref8" name="_edn8" style="mso-endnote-id: edn8;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[viii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Ibid Lichter et al. (2010).<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn9" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref9" name="_edn9" style="mso-endnote-id: edn9;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[ix]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> “Only
one out of three children born to cohabiting parents remains in a stable family
through age 12, in contrast to nearly three out of four children born to
married parents.”: Manning, W. D. (2015). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/43581972?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">Cohabitation
and child wellbeing</a></span>. The Future of Children, 25(2), 51–66; see also McLanahan,
S., & Beck, A. N. (2010). Parental relationships in fragile families. The
Future of Children, 20(2), 17-37.; McLanahan, S., & Beck, A. N. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3053572/">Parental
relationships in fragile families</a></span>. The Future of Children, 20(2),
17-37.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn10" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref10" name="_edn10" style="mso-endnote-id: edn10;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[x]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> It
is important to note that this type of data also cannot distinguish between
cohabiters who will transition into marriage with their current (or a future) cohabiting
partner and those who will not.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn11" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref11" name="_edn11" style="mso-endnote-id: edn11;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
See for example: Smock, P., & Greenland, F.R. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00719.x">Diversity
in pathways to parenthood: Patterns, implications, and emerging research
directions.</a></span> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of
Marriage & Family, 72</i>, 576-593.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn12" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref12" name="_edn12" style="mso-endnote-id: edn12;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to dig in pretty deeply on theory
and research from us on this subject, you can start <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">here</a></span>
or <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://app.box.com/s/ugfa85i6lly8hp76qey7">here</a></span>,
and find summaries and links to many (non-gated) papers you can read if you
like. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn13" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref13" name="_edn13" style="mso-endnote-id: edn13;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xiii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Thornton, A., & Young-DeMarco, L. (2001). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.01009.x">Four
decades of trends in attitudes toward family issues in the United States: The
1960s through the 1990s</a></span>.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
Journal of Marriage & Family, 63</i>, 1009-1037.
doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2001.01009.x<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn14" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref14" name="_edn14" style="mso-endnote-id: edn14;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xiv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> Axinn,
W. G., and Barber, J. S. (1997). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/353948?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">Living
arrangements and family formation attitudes in early adulthood</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Marriage & Family 59</i>,
595-611.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn15" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref15" name="_edn15" style="mso-endnote-id: edn15;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
In addition to the list of the body of studies on the marriage-plans-timing
effect (partial list following, full list <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">here</a></span>),
a recent study shows that relationship quality is highest (on average) for
marrieds and lowest for cohabiting couples without plans to marry, with marrieds
who cohabited before marriage and cohabiters who currently had plans in between
those two groups: Brown, S., Manning, W. D., & Payne, K. K. (2017). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X15622236?journalCode=jfia">Relationships
quality among cohabiting versus married couples</a></span>.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Journal of Family Issues, 38</i>, 1730 – 1753. (First appeared in
advance online publication in 2015: <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X15622236">https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X15622236</a></span>);
Examples of studies with the engagement/plans timing effect: Kline, G. H.,
Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St. Peters, M., Whitton, S.
W., & Prado, L. (2004). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15222838">Timing is everything:
Pre-engagement cohabitation and increased risk for poor marital outcomes</a></span>.
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Family Psychology, 18</i>,
311-318.; Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?term=The+pre-engagement+cohabitation+effect%3A+A+replication+and+extension+of+previous+findings.">The
pre-engagement cohabitation effect: A replication and extension of previous
findings</a></span>. J<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ournal of Family
Psychology, 23</i>, 107-111.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Amato, P. R.,
Markman, H. J., & Johnson, C. A. (2010). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904561/">The timing of
cohabitation and engagement: Impact on first and second marriages</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Marriage & Family, 72</i>,
906-918.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn16" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref16" name="_edn16" style="mso-endnote-id: edn16;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xvi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
See Lindsay, J. M. (2000, online version came out in 2014). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.5172/jfs.6.1.120">An ambiguous
commitment: Moving into a cohabiting relationship</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Family Studies, 6</i>(1),
120-134.; Manning, W. D., & Smock, P. J. (2005).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2005.00189.x">Measuring
and modeling cohabitation: New perspectives from qualitative data</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Marriage & Family, 67,</i>
989 - 1002.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Fincham, F. D. (2011).
Understanding romantic relationships among emerging adults: The significant
roles of cohabitation and ambiguity. In F. D. Fincham & M. Cui (Eds.),
Romantic relationships in emerging adulthood (pp. 234-251). New York: Cambridge
University Press. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn17" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/sstan/Downloads/junk%20CDC%20cohabitation%207-10-18.docx#_ednref17" name="_edn17" style="mso-endnote-id: edn17;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[xvii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
For example: Sassler, S., Michelmore, K., & Qian, Z. (2018). <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs13524-018-0649-8">Transitions
from sexual relationships into cohabitation and beyond</a></span>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Demography, 55,</i> 511 - 534.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
<br /></div>
Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-65088217189905713312018-04-26T16:01:00.001-06:002018-04-30T10:41:23.215-06:00Marriage Starts Changing you Before Marriage<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Having a long-term view supports the ability to delay
gratification and invest in the future. Having a short-term view provides no
reason for delay and favors immediate gratification. These points are central
to understanding marriage and cohabitation, as well as how people manage money.
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8YE3cDguYZCTJ_L-odjR2pKUFsbhe-XdiZfWcHefwL1YZmXUzohrdrQDdryzkcf6j5S_17PvNlyZLb0s3EPDfBoIctVidVg2c8BTkzyiDV5wt0r3ilXI4l4XjnEiD3pfq1XS62w4e6NGT/s1600/bigstock-Newlyweds-with-guest-on-their--81163334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="900" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8YE3cDguYZCTJ_L-odjR2pKUFsbhe-XdiZfWcHefwL1YZmXUzohrdrQDdryzkcf6j5S_17PvNlyZLb0s3EPDfBoIctVidVg2c8BTkzyiDV5wt0r3ilXI4l4XjnEiD3pfq1XS62w4e6NGT/s320/bigstock-Newlyweds-with-guest-on-their--81163334.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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A <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12458" target="_blank">recent study</a>
examines the way financial time-horizons are impacted by relationship transitions,
specifically, going from being single to cohabiting and from cohabiting to
being married. Barbara Fulda and Philipp Lersch conducted their study using a
large data set in Australia, motivated by this question: Is there reason to be
concerned about the future financial prospects of aging Australians in a world where
marriage is declining and cohabitation is increasing? It’s a good question, and
their study is excellent. </div>
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Their foundational assumptions were these: </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>People with longer time-horizons about finances will
save more for the future.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Marriage and cohabitation have implications for time-horizons,
and likely impact financial behavior. </div>
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In their study, financial planning time-horizon was measured
with a question that asked, “In planning your saving and spending, which of the
following time periods is most important to you?” The question allowed
responses ranging from “The next week” to “More than 10 years ahead,” with many
options in between. Importantly, the analyses are not about actual long-term
savings. Rather, they examined what happens to this planning variable across relationship
transitions, with the plausible argument that changes in financial horizons would
reflect something about long-term financial outcomes. </div>
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Fulda and Lersch used a variant of what economist and
sociologists call (in near worshipful tones) “fixed-effects,” which I believe
to be a variant of what psychologists call “within-subjects effects.” Such
analyses take advantage of data sets with over-time measurements from the same
individuals; in this case, to capture changes from before to after specific
transitions. While such analyses do not control for all types of selection
(such as who is on this path or that path in the first place), they do control
for other aspect of selection. For example, individuals vary in conscientiousness,
and that could impact everything of interest here. Even without conscientiousness
being measured, the fixed-effects models will control for such variance because
of how people are being compared to themselves over time. This gives new
meaning to the phrase, “control yourself.” (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Researcher
humor is the best humor</i>.) Another example of this type of thinking can be
found in a paper by Galena Rhoades, myself, and Howard Markman on changes in
relationships across the transition into cohabitation (see <a href="https://app.box.com/s/dojg1epfbud4poa17jpc2e6d2ao8c8k4" target="_blank">here</a>). I’ll
come back to that.</div>
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Fulda and Lersch found that cohabiting individuals had
longer financial time-horizons than singles, and that financial planning
horizons increased over the transition to cohabitation. There was mixed
evidence of people’s financial horizons increasing further during cohabitation.
In contrast, financial horizons did not increase when transitioning into
marriage. </div>
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In their words, “Cohabiting individuals’ financial planning
horizons thus had already increased prior to their transition into marriage.” Further,
“we did not find convincing evidence for a change in the financial planning horizon
before and after marriage, . . ..” That is, marriage “seems to contribute
little to a longer financial planning horizon relative to cohabitation.” My
quibble is on that point. </div>
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Fulda and Lersch believe the driver of the observed effects
is the development (or establishment) of increased commitment during
cohabitation. I think that is likely correct, but I also think the matter and
meaning of the timing is more complex. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Early in the discussion of their findings, Fulda and Lersch
make an important comment. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">These
results can be interpreted as extending previous research on the following two
distinct groups of cohabiters: Those who intend to marry and those who do not.
Poortman and Mills (2012) showed that the first group resembles married couples
in their partnership characteristics. In this study, we expand on this finding
and show that financial planning horizons of cohabiting couples’ who eventually
get married remain stable as a result of their high commitment to their
relationship when they transition from cohabitation into marriage.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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There are different types of cohabiting unions. Some are
like marriage, many are not; some become more like marriages over time, and then
turn into marriages. That’s part of why cohabitation is a more ambiguous (and
heterogeneous) relationship status than marriage. This is likely somewhat less
true in Australia<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[i]</span></span></span></span></a>
than in the United States. because of a legal system that makes cohabitation
more like marriage there. Here in the United States, anyway, cohabitation
contains very little information about commitment. Marriage plans, however,
contain a lot of information. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Sociologist Susan Brown and colleagues <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/353727.pdf?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents" target="_blank">havedrawn attention</a> to the fact that cohabiting couples with plans to marry
tend to be, on average, a lot like married couples (see also, this). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a related vein, but differing in an
important way, my colleague Galena Rhoades and I have found that, among couples
who end up marrying, those who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">started
cohabiting</i> only after having clear marriage plans (such as after engagement
or who move in together <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only after</i>
marrying) tend to do better in marriage than those who had not decided the big question
about the future beforehand (for more on those studies, see <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2018/03/citations-for-tests-of-inertia_26.html">here</a>).
Deciding you want a V8 <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ahead of time</i>
beats “I coulda had a V8” while already holding something else. (Want to take a
trip through memory lane on that? Here, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld8eAH0MW00" target="_blank">knock yourself out</a>.
That’s some ancient wisdom right there.)</div>
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Furthermore, <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17176189" target="_blank">we have found</a> cohabiting
prior to engagement or marriage is associated with asymmetrically committed
relationships, and that such asymmetries do not appear to change after
marrying. And, as I’ve written before, asymmetrical commitment is <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/11/weaky-links-asymmetrical-commitment-in.html">not
good</a>. </div>
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Fulda and Lersch do not, and likely could not, examine a variable
that estimates the timing of when couples who married developed their mutual plans
to marry. I expect that a lot of the action behind what they found lies there. In
addition, while they believe that the development of commitment between
partners is the most important mechanism in play, they also do not have a
measure of that to analyze. Thus, the measure of financial horizon is sort of doing
double duty in their thinking. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coming back to the <a href="https://app.box.com/s/dojg1epfbud4poa17jpc2e6d2ao8c8k4" target="_blank">study</a> noted earlier
by Galena Rhoades, me, and Howard Markman, we found that commitment itself—as
in dedication to one’s partner—tends to stop increasing after the transition
into cohabitation. It levels off, and not at the particularly high level.
Taking these points all together, Fulda and Lersch do not have a way to look at
the actual timing of changes in interpersonal commitment, nor can they look at
the exact timing of when mutual plans for marriage develop. It would be interesting
to look at their research question with access to such measures. </div>
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To be clear, I have little doubt that financial planning can
change with cohabitation. However, I suspect that Fulda and Lersch’s cohabitation-transition
effects are likely, and largely, a proxy for the effect of developing marriage
plans before cohabiting or while cohabiting. Either way, the effects Fulda and Lersch
are attributing solely to cohabitation seem mostly to be marriage effects
occurring before marriage. There is nothing nearly as re-organizing for a
relationship as deciding on, and setting plans for, a life together. </div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cohabitation,
Marriage, and Time Horizons</b></div>
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I believe marriage effects start long before a couple walks
down the aisle. Similar effects can occur without marriage <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">if</i> a mutual and high level of commitment emerges. However, marriage
remains the strongest cultural signal encoding such a commitment.<span class="MsoEndnoteReference"> <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn2" name="_ednref2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ii]</span></span></span></a></span>
Sure, some institutional effects of marriage will begin with the wedding, but the
wedding day typically celebrates changes in commitment that have already
occurred. </div>
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Fulda and Lersch concluded that concerns about the long-term
financial prospects of Australians may be overblown. Bolstering this conclusion
is the fact that the laws and mores in Australia make cohabitation a near functional
equivalent to marriage. I do believe it is a different deal there compared to the
United States. However, there are reasons to think that long-term implications of
cohabitation versus marriage may still be substantial for children, even in
societies where the two statuses have become close in legal equivalence. This fact
was recently documented by Brad Wilcox and Laurie DeRose with a multi-national data
set.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_edn3" name="_ednref3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></a> </div>
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Marriage may eventually lose its status as the strongest
signal of commitment to “us with a future,” but I do not think that day has yet
arrived. Until marriage disappears, marriage effects will start before
marriage.<br />
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<br />
<i>First published to the blog of the Institute for Family Studies on 4-9-2018. </i></div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
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<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[i]</span></span></span></span></a>
As an aside, the first scholar to nail the issue of the fundamental ambiguity
of cohabitation was Jo Lindsay—an Australian research doing <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.5172/jfs.6.1.120">a qualitative
study on cohabitation</a> first published in 2000 based on interviews in the
early 90s. </div>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[ii]</span></span></span></span></a>
For more on the matter of signals of commitment, I recommend: Rowthorn, R.
(2002).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marriage as a signal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In A. W. Dnes and R. Rowthorn (Eds.), <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Law-Economics-Marriage-Divorce/dp/0521006325">The
Law and Economics of Marriage and Divorce</a> (pp. 132 - 156).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New York: Cambridge University Press.; Nock,
S.L.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(2009). The Growing Importance of
Marriage in America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In H. E. Peters and
C. M. Kamp Dush (Eds.), <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Family-Perspectives-Elizabeth-Peters/dp/0231144083/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522696981&sr=8-1&keywords=Marriage+and+Family%3A+Perspectives+and+Complexities">Marriage
and Family: Perspectives and Complexities</a> (pp. 302-324). New York: Columbia
University Press.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010).
<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3039217/pdf/nihms215945.pdf">Commitment:
Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment</a>. Journal of
Family Theory and Review, 2, 243-257. </div>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4126889370756932929#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">[iii]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Wilcox and DeRose </span><a href="https://www.brookings.edu/blog/social-mobility-memos/2017/03/27/in-europe-cohabitation-is-stable-right/"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">found</span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> a
consistent and seemingly large difference in family stability for children of
married versus cohabiting couples in many European countries; countries where
cohabitation with children has legal characteristics similar to marriage. The
larger story here is constantly unfolding into the future, but such findings
suggest that marriage still represents a different commitment to the future
than cohabitation. </span></div>
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-91544320670827067292018-03-26T20:43:00.009-06:002023-05-01T22:59:34.089-06:00Citations for Tests of the Inertia Hypothesis about the Timing of Cohabitation and Marital Outcomes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">This post is to provide citations relevant for some of the work Galena Rhoades and I (and colleagues) have conducted on the subject of premarital cohabitation, specifically, the prediction of a timing effect related to when couples moved in together and marital outcomes. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Before any of these studies were conducted, we predicted that couples who cohabited only after engagement (or marriage) would, on average, do better in marriage than those who began to cohabit prior to having such clear, mutual plans to marry. This is the inertia hypothesis. It specifies that part of the risk associated with living together before marriage is that it makes it harder to break up (it increases constraints)--for some couples, prematurely. Thus, among those who marry, couples who started living together before already having mutual plans to marry will be, on average, at greater risk for poor outcomes in marriage because these couples made it harder to break up before clearly deciding they agreed on a future together. Put another way, the inertia risk is that constraints to remain together develop ahead of a mutual and high commitment to a future together. There should be less risk when dedication is mutual and clear, prior the increase in constraints that comes with moving in together. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">The theory behind this is explained in great depth in the citations under “theory” below. </span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">This prediction has found support in every place where we know it possible to test, including findings in 8 studies using 7 different samples. It is a strong hypothesis based on decades of research and theory about aspects of commitment, and it has a lot of evidence of replication. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">For a non-technical summary of this line of reasoning, <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-mystery-why-isnt-living-together.html" target="_blank">click here</a>. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">For an annotated summary of our research on cohabitation, including abstracts and thinking from study to study, <a href="https://app.box.com/s/ugfa85i6lly8hp76qey7" target="_blank">click here</a>. [This is like a walking tour through our line of research on this issue and related subjects.]</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">My goal here is to give easy access to relevant citations. Where possible, I give links that provide access to the entire article.</span></span><br />
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<b><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Theoretical Papers</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">The first paper below is the core citation where we lay out the most detail about the risk of inertia and its implications. The second paper is the first major test of the theory and provides a great deal of background about it. The third paper is a general overview of the construct of commitment, its role in securing romantic attachment, and then a detailed application of ideas related to dedication, constraint, and signaling in the way two people develop a commitment to a future together. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Markman, H. J. (2006). <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00418.x" target="_blank">Sliding vs. Deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect</a>. Family Relations, 55, 499-509. <br /></span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Kline, G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St. Peters, M., Whitton, S. W., & Prado, L. (2004).<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15222838" target="_blank"> Timing is everything: Pre-engagement cohabitation and increased risk for poor marital outcomes</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 18, 311-318. [Kline is now Rhoades.]</span></span></span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3039217/pdf/nihms215945.pdf" target="_blank">Commitment: Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment</a>. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 2, 243-257.</span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Empirical Findings for the Engagement (marriage plans) Effect</b></span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Kline, G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., Olmos-Gallo, P. A., St. Peters, M., Whitton, S. W., & Prado, L. (2004).<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15222838" target="_blank"> Timing is everything: Pre-engagement cohabitation and increased risk for poor marital outcomes</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 18, 311-318. </span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?term=The+pre-engagement+cohabitation+effect%3A+A+replication+and+extension+of+previous+findings." target="_blank">The pre-engagement cohabitation effect: A replication and extension of previous findings</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 23, 107-111.</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Amato, P. R., Markman, H. J., & Johnson, C. A. (2010). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904561/" target="_blank">The timing of cohabitation and engagement: Impact on first and second marriages</a>. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 906-918.</span></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Goodwin, P. Y., Mosher, W. D., & Chandra, A. (2010). <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_028.pdf" target="_blank">Marriage and cohabitation in the United States: A statistical portrait based on Cycle 6(2002) of the National Survey of Family Growth</a>. Vital Health Stat 23 (28). Washington D.C.: National Center for Health Statistics.</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Manning, W. D., & Cohen, J. A. (2012). <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00960.x/abstract" target="_blank">Premarital cohabitation and marital dissolution: An examination of recent marriages</a>. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74, 377 - 387.</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">[This study has a complicated variant of the marriage plans finding regarding premarital cohabitation.]</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Rhoades, G. K., and Stanley, S. M. (2014). <a href="http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/NMP-BeforeIDoReport-Final.pdf" target="_blank">Before “I Do”: What do premarital experiences have to do with marital quality among today’s young adults?</a> Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project.</span></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J., & Allen, E. S. (2015). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4461475/pdf/nihms673169.pdf" target="_blank">Can marriage education mitigate the risks associated with premarital cohabitation?</a> Journal of Family Psychology, 29(3), 500-506. </span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: small;">Stanley, S. M., & Rhoades, G. K. (2023). <a href="http://ifstudies.org/ifs-admin/resources/reports/cohabitationreportapr2023-final.pdf" target="_blank">What's the plan? Cohabitation, engagement, and divorce</a>. Institute for Family Studies: </span></span>Charlottesville, VA. <br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><b>Related Findings (to inertia or cohabitation in general)</b></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">The study that kicked off a lot of interest in possibility that cohabitation led some men to marry women they might not have otherwise married, and thoughts about asymmetrical commitment. </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Stanley, S. M., Whitton, S. W., & Markman, H. J. (2004). <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0192513X03257797" target="_blank">Maybe I do: Interpersonal commitment and premarital or nonmarital cohabitation</a>. Journal of Family Issues, 25, 496-519. </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Constraints predict remaining together net of how dedicated people are to their relationship. </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2010). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2958669/" target="_blank">Should I stay or should I go? Predicting dating relationship stability from four aspects of commitment</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(5), 543-550. doi: 10.1037/a0021008</span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Constraints take a jump up in the transition to moving in together, and start to increase rapidly. </span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2012). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5956859/" target="_blank">The impact of the transition to cohabitation on relationship functioning: Cross-sectional and longitudinal finding</a>s. Journal of Family Psychology, 26(3), 348 - 358.</span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">Living together before marriage or engagement is associated with asymmetrical commitment between partners, and it does not abate once married. </span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Markman, H. J. (2006). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17176189" target="_blank">Pre-engagement cohabitation and gender asymmetry in marital commitment</a>. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 553-560.</span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">And, a bit more on asymmetrical commitment which includes a few points about cohabitation (not broken down by timing of plans for marriage). </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Scott, S. B., Kelmer, G., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2017). <a href="https://app.box.com/s/irw6nzw8lc47l6iv4lk8l77wz0j608gk" target="_blank">Asymmetrically committed relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships</a>, 34, 1241–1259. </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">On asymmetrical commitment studies, see also<a href="https://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2019/01/some-links-about-asymmetrical-commitment.html" target="_blank"> this post</a>. </span><br />
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This next study examines reasons people give for living together. One finding: Just about the worst, top answer someone can have for moving in together seems to be to test the relationship. That's associated with poor outcomes. Probably, people who report this as the main reason already know something concerning about their partner or the relationship, and they are moving in hoping to get a better answer.<br />
<br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">- Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2009). <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2743430/pdf/nihms126918.pdf" target="_blank">Couples' reasons for cohabitation: Associations with individual well-being and relationship quality</a>. Journal of Family Issues, 30, 233 - 258. </span><br />
<br />
<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">On reasons for cohabiting, see also <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-problem-with-living-together-to.html" target="_blank">this post</a>. </span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif">We have more studies that include findings on cohabitation. Contact me if interested. </span><br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-83014023558017075822018-03-16T10:15:00.002-06:002018-03-16T10:17:40.448-06:00Journal of Family Psychology Special Issue on Military Familly and Deployment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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</xml><![endif]--><br />Here are links to the February 2018 issue of the Journal of Family Psychology. The links I have included are all the ones pertinent to military families. You can access the abstracts here with the links provided. <br /><br /><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Journal of Family Psychology Volume 32, Issue 1, (Feb)</span></a></span><br />
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/1/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Recent advances in the understanding of relationship
communication during military deployment.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
1-2</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sayers,
Steven L.; Rhoades, Galena K.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/3/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Deployment communication: Underlying processes and outcomes.</span></a>
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3-11</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sayers,
Steven L.; Barg, Frances K.; Mavandadi, Shahrzad; Hess, Tanya H.; Crauciuc,
Andreea</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/12/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Communication of military couples during deployment
predicting generalized anxiety upon reunion.</span></a> </span></div>
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12-21</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Knobloch,
Leanne K.; Knobloch-Fedders, Lynne M.; Yorgason, Jeremy B.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/22/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Something to talk about: Topics of conversation between
romantic partners during military deployments.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
22-30</span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Carter,
Sarah P.; Osborne, Laura J.; Renshaw, Keith D.; Allen, Elizabeth S.; Loew,
Benjamin A.; Markman, Howard J.; Stanley, Scott M.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/31/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Psychometric evaluation of a measure of intimate partner
communication during deployment.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
31-41</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Balderrama-Durbin,
Christina; Erbes, Christopher R.; Polusny, Melissa A.; Vogt, Dawne</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/42/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Communication and connection during deployment: A
daily-diary study from the perspective of at-home partners.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
42-48</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wilson,
Steven R.; Marini, Christina M.; Franks, Melissa M.; Whiteman, Shawn D.; Topp,
Dave; Wadsworth, Shelley MacDermid</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/114/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">At-home partner sleep functioning over the course of
military deployment.</span></a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
114-122</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Miller,
Katherine E.; Koffel, Erin; Kramer, Mark D.; Erbes, Christopher R.; Arbisi,
Paul A.; Polusny, Melissa A.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/123/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">PTSD as a moderator of a parenting intervention for military
families.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
123-133</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Chesmore,
Ashley A.; Piehler, Timothy F.; Gewirtz, Abigail H.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fam/32/1/134/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Between- and within-subject associations of PTSD symptom
clusters and marital functioning in military couples.</span></a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Page
134-144</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Allen,
Elizabeth; Knopp, Kayla; Rhoades, Galena; Stanley, Scott; Markman, Howard</span></div>
</div>
Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-25407200677750909122018-02-09T13:52:00.000-07:002018-02-09T22:52:18.385-07:00“That Decision Wasn’t Made There”: A Super Bowl Insight on Commitment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’m sure there is some lesson about commitment in most any
Super Bowl, but I think sports commenter Colin Cowherd <a href="https://twitter.com/ColinCowherd?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" target="_blank">(@ColinCowherd</a>)
gets at something special in his observation about Super Bowl LII, which you
can find in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA8D5QJ8nfo" target="_blank">this video onYouTube</a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’ll describe the key point, but if you have a few minutes
and want to take it in, Cowherd makes his point with style. From 0:00 to 2:47
will do the job. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ZA8D5QJ8nfo/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZA8D5QJ8nfo?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Before going to substance, I want to declare my conflicts of
</span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">non</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">-interest. I’m neither a fan of the
Eagles nor of the Patriots. I’m not much of a football fan, except that I do
now hope the Broncos get Foles for next year. Further, I didn’t care about who
would win this game until it was going; and once it was, I started rooting for the
Eagles. I’ll cop to that.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What Cowherd Observed<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Commitment is about making a choice to give up other
choices. It’s about deciding. Clear decisions anchor commitments, and the
timing of those clear decisions often matters. In contrast, sliding through key
moments is letting stuff happen to you, and it can result in losing options
before making a choice. I’m usually making these points about marriage and
family, but they apply to everything important. Cowherd gets at what is one of
the most important insights about commitment that Galena Rhoades and I are
often highlighting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cowherd focuses on the Eagles decision to go for it on fourth
down, trailing by 1 point, with 5:40 left on the clock. Teams usually punt in
that circumstance, and I thought the Eagles would do just that in the hopes of stopping
New England and getting the ball back. (There’s a growing thought around the
NFL that teams should usually be going for it on 4<sup>th</sup>-and-1, by the
way, but that’s not been the convention. It might start to be.) My youngest son
thought they would go for it. He was right, and he’s the one who got me to
watch Cowherd give his analysis. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Of that moment, on 4<sup>th-</sup>and-1, Cowherd says, “That
decision wasn’t made there.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think he’s exactly right. Cowherd observed that the Eagles
didn’t even call a time out to think about it, and on a play that he believes is
one of the gutsiest calls in Super Bowl history. Instead, the Eagles already
knew what they were going to do. In fact, they’d made a similarly bold 4<sup>th</sup>
and 1 conversion in the first half, when the Eagles’ quarterback Nick Foles
became the receiver for a touchdown. I’ve watched enough football to know that
if you are going for it on 4<sup>th</sup>-and-1, you are usually trying a brute
force attempt, not some utterly surprising trick play. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here’s the good part. Cowherd attributes the Eagles’ game
play to a decision made two weeks before by the Philadelphia coaches in a
meeting. A decision that was talked about, thought about, and that guided the
Eagles minds and motivation over the past couple weeks. They had pre-decided to
go for it, all the time, every time. It’s fair for you to think I have now
become totally mired in sport’s cliché drivel. You know, “they left it all on
the field.” “They came to play.” “They dug deep.” Could be, but I think Cowherd’s
right to imply that this is not that. Or, at the least, I’m going to suggest
it’s more than that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As Cowherd notes, The Patriots have a history of getting
behind and then coming back and destroying the other team, often in a final
drive at the end of the game. It’s kind of a brand. They’ve turned the tide
more often than you’re ever going to see something like detergent commercials
in Super Bowl games. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">New England is a widely disliked team for a number of
reasons, and I think the biggest reason goes beyond a few notable, naughty behaviors.
It’s not just balls that get deflated around New England. It’s teams. It’s
cities. I think what people feel about the Patriots is archetypal. New England
represents the relentless challenges of life that too often wear us down and
wipe us out. They crush our dreams as time is running out. That’s who the
Eagles were playing, and that is important here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cowherd observes that the Eagles had decided, two weeks before,
this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“We’re not going to be Atlanta. We’re not going to outplay
New England and lose.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“We’re not going to be Jacksonville. We’re not going to
outplay New England and lose.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“We’re not going to be Pittsburgh. We’re not going to
outplay New England and lose.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Eagles had pre-decided they were going to play this game
with a highly disciplined abandon. They ran some risky plays. They kept pushing
hard even when ahead. The Eagles weren’t waiting for the Patriots to happen to
them in the usual way of life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Why isn’t this a typical sport’s cliché? Because of the
timing of the key decision. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Timing is a Lot of the Things<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Timing may not be everything, but timing is a lot of the things that matter most.
Before my metaphorical final drive (the next section of this piece), two quick
points about timing and commitment from my area of theory and research: One point
is about parental commitment and babies and the other is about
the timing of commitment relative to living together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When a couple is having a child, it matters a great deal
whether or not they had decided before conception if they were doing life <i>together</i>. A couple can decide after a
baby is on the way to build a life together, but that’s a decision being made on
4<sup>th</sup> down, during a time-out, in the middle of the pressure of the
big game. A decision about the future is best made when the future is not
already here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When a couple moves in together, it matters whether or not they’ve
already decided they are committed to the future--beforehand. Living together
makes it harder to break up, and a lot of people don’t see this until they are
deep into the game and behind on the scoreboard. As our research has shown,
those who marry, or who have at least gotten engaged, before moving in together
tend to do better once married. Does that mean the other couples are doomed?
Surely not. It’s an edge, an advantage. Nothing is a slam dunk (oops, wrong
sport!). Anyway, the point is the same as the one above about babies. It helps
when the big decision about the future was made before the two people were already
constrained by their situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When it comes to consequential moments that can be life
altering, it’s best if you can say, “That decision wasn’t made there.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This Gets It<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are a lot of times in life where you are going to fail
because you’ve not decided ahead of the critical moment what you are about and what
you are committed to do. I don’t mean you can anticipate everything that will
happen. You can’t. Sometimes, you need to change something in your pre-decided
plan. Sometimes, you need to call an audible or else you’ll get mauled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I also don’t mean to suggest that clear commitments at the
right time for the right reason always insulate you from loss. None of us knows
how the game is going to play out, including in our relationships. It is a fact
recently demonstrated that you can play out your game plan, executed relatively
well, produce 505 yards of offense—and still lose. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But in the main, those who have decided beforehand what they
are going after, and how deeply they are committed to achieving it, will come
out ahead, whether it is in marriage or work or anything else that matters. Why?
Because you are not chronically trying to decide—in the moment—what would have
been better decided beforehand. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That “I’m doing <i>this</i>.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>This article was first released on the blog of <a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/that-decision-wasnt-made-there-a-super-bowl-insight-on-commitment" target="_blank">The Institute for Family Studies</a> on this same date</i></span><br />
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-63304312505631422222017-12-30T13:09:00.003-07:002017-12-30T14:49:48.985-07:00Help for Your Marriage<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This list of resources has been as a downloadable link on the side (over there > > >) on my blog for years and I decided to make an entry out of it so that it's more accessible for people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The list is necessarily limited. There are many other resources that many people have found helpful. I am listing things what I believe may appeal to different segments of people who follow my work. That means listing some resources that are secular and others that are faith-based—and some that are in between. Also, I only list books and web-based interventions and not countless other resources on the web (e.g., counseling centers, blogs, ministries). Look around to find what best meets your needs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Disclosure: I am co-author or author of three of the books listed here and I am a partner in the company that publishes the online intervention ePREP listed below.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Books authored or co-authored
by me and colleagues<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fighting-Your-Marriage-Best-seller-Preventing/dp/0470485914/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423453191&sr=8-1&keywords=scott+m+stanley"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., &
Blumberg, S. L. (2010). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fighting for Your
Marriage</i>. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Power-Commitment-Guide-Active-Lifelong/dp/0787979287/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423454740&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+commitment"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Stanley, S. M. (2005). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Power of Commitment</i>. San Francisco:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jossey Bass, Inc.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lasting-Promise-Christian-Fighting-Marriage/dp/1118672925/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1423453191&sr=8-5&keywords=scott+m+stanley"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Stanley, S., Trathen, D., McCain, S., &
Bryan, M. (2014). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A Lasting Promise: The
Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>San Francisco:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jossey Bass, Inc.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Other great books (Alphabetical
order, by author)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423453271&sr=8-1&keywords=five+love+languages"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Chapman, G. (2015).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts</i>. Chicago: Northfield
Publishing.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Reconcilable-Differences-Second-Rediscovering-Love--without/dp/1462502431/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423454456&sr=1-1&keywords=andrew+christensen"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Christensen, A., Doss, B. D., & Jacobson,
N. S. (2014). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Reconcilable Differences:
Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--Without Losing
Yourself.</i> New York: Guilford Press.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Busting-Step-Step-Approach/dp/0671797255"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Davis, M. Weiner. (1993). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making
Your Marriage Loving Again</i>. Fireside Books.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Seven-Healthy-Family/dp/0764212060/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Deal, R. L. (2014). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family</i>. Ada, MI:
Bethany House</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423452952&sr=8-1&keywords=john+gottman"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2000). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</i>.
New York: Harmony</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423453507&sr=8-1&keywords=getting+the+love+you+want"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Hendrix, H. (2007). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Getting the Love You Want.</i> New York: Holt.</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Web-based interventions for relationships<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">There is excellent research on ePREP and Our Relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.lovetakeslearning.com/store/"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">ePREP: Relationship/Marriage help at LoveTakesLearning.com</span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.ourrelationship.com/">Our Relationship</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4126889370756932929.post-22090768566383103412017-11-07T21:12:00.000-07:002017-11-08T06:26:21.202-07:00Cueless<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU-dgF-HEsUJzz4kPG84BuVJ-XwrecpTdflzAFQBOirbFzMKnzHV2KjxEYTRAfzYjSSM6gdM6jKibm37jc9hn7omn9GCz6CXCV8meHshevUyxAmr4JRaCLdZyYn-ToaiMXphl55KXBinl-/s1600/bigstock--149646335.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU-dgF-HEsUJzz4kPG84BuVJ-XwrecpTdflzAFQBOirbFzMKnzHV2KjxEYTRAfzYjSSM6gdM6jKibm37jc9hn7omn9GCz6CXCV8meHshevUyxAmr4JRaCLdZyYn-ToaiMXphl55KXBinl-/s320/bigstock--149646335.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
Teens and young adults are showing
sharp increases in anxiety and depression. Jean Twenge, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/iGen-Super-Connected-Rebellious-Happy-Adulthood/dp/1501151983" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">iGen</i></a>, has drawn a great deal of attention
to these trends. Here, I describe her argument and then build on it to suggest
that social cuelessness may be contributing to the problems. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Trends<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anxiety and depression have increased substantially among teens
in the U.S. over the past 5 years or so<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>,
trends also seen in other advanced economies.<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn2" name="_ednref2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Twenge (@jean_twenge) wrote about this phenomenon in an article in <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/" target="_blank"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Atlantic</i></a> as well as in her book.
While such problems have been increasing for decades (see <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/todays-teens-anxious-depressed-paranoid/story?id=9281013" target="_blank">another media story</a> on this featuring Twenge in 2009), there does seem to be
particularly sharp uptick of late. Twenge suggests that wide adoption of smart
phones is the primary culprit. In the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Atlantic</i>
piece, she writes: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s
not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the worst
mental-health crisis in decades.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twenge believes that the dominant driver of these effects is
<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/social-comparison-theory" target="_blank">social comparison</a>. Social comparison speaks to the fact that we are happy or not based
both on how our lives are going as well as on how we think the lives of others
are going. With humans, it’s never just about me, it’s always about me among
them. Smart phones, combined with social media tools such as Facebook, Instagram,
and Snapchat, provide endless opportunities for social comparison. Again, quoting
Twenge from her article in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Atlantic</i>:
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For
all their power to link kids day and night, social media also exacerbate the
age-old teen concern about being left out.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While she may or may not be correct, it’s a good hypothesis.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consider Melissa, a 16-year-old from New Jersey who is tuned
in and locked on. On some days, she’s out with her friends doing what friends
do—talking, laughing, sharing videos and pictures from their lives and also the
internet. When not out with friends, Melissa is at home, by herself. Sort of. She’s
never really by herself because her phone is always with her. Like so many
others, and maybe especially other teens and young adults, she spends a lot of
time monitoring what’s happening “out there,” with special attention to the
lives of those in her social network—as well as the Kardashians. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What does Melissa see as she stares through her phone out
into the world? She sees people having fun, doing exciting things, touting
accomplishments and, worst of all, she sees evidence of people being together,
without her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do people normally post their boring moments, failures, and comments
on their isolation on social media? Okay, yes, some do that. There are plenty
of YouTube sensations featuring people sharing their misery. Schadenfreude is
even more common. Of course, there is the mundane stuff that plenty of people
share on social media. It’s fascinating to know what someone got to eat for
lunch. Actually, not so much—at least not to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More often, what we see are indicators of success,
connection, and prime-time “in-group” experiences. In addition to feeling left
out, anyone with a smart phone or other device now can watch endless documentation
of how successful or gorgeous their peers are—and feel worse about themselves
by the moment. Instant dis-gratification. (I just made that word up. So, no,
you cannot go look it up on your phone right now. Keep reading. Focus.) If you
were a little fragile already about your self-esteem and development as a
younger human, you’d be primed only to notice the stuff that makes you feel bad
about yourself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Making the situation worse is the fact that app and device
designers are perfecting ways to keep you from looking away. The whole system
is literally addiction by design (though, I can accept arguments either way
about whether this fits a true addiction model). The power of devices to
capture our attentions has led to <a href="https://www.sciencealert.com/even-just-having-your-phone-in-view-reduces-your-brain-power-says-a-new-study" target="_blank">mounting concerns</a> about how seriously distracted we are if our phones are anywhere
nearby, with <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103117301737" target="_blank">evidence</a>
that just having phone nearby while having a meal with friends or family
reduces how much we enjoy doing so.<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn3" name="_ednref3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Everything about phones and apps is designed to say, “notice me.” Your mind wants
to check that you are not missing something important. (Give me a moment while
I check my Twitter account. Wow. Just since I started proofing this draft, I
got liked several times. That’s so nice. I matter. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Notice</i>fication. Follow me: <a href="https://twitter.com/DecideOrSlide?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor">@DecideOrSlide</a>)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think Twenge is correct that these dynamics are part of
the mix in the rise in teen anxiety and depression. She also notes other
factors that doubtless play significant roles, including loss of <a href="https://theconversation.com/teens-are-sleeping-less-but-theres-a-surprisingly-easy-fix-85157">sleep</a>,
lack of interest in going out beyond the home, and reduced face-to-face contact
with friends. There may be so many other factors in play. Maybe the trends in
anxiety and depression will start to move downward, soon. Who knows, but it’s
not difficult to believe that we are living through one of the most
extraordinary changes in how humans interact in history. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My Hypothesis<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think increases in anxiety and depression for teens and
young adults may be exacerbated by <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cue</i>lessness.
Cue, not clue. I think the rise in cuelessness is consequential. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In the Age of Ambiguity, Cuelessness
abounds in Dating and Mating<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I (along with colleagues like Galena Rhoades) have argued
that one of the most profound changes in dating and mating over the past 40
years is the rise of ambiguity.<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn4" name="_ednref4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
There used to be much more structure—more steps and stages and publicly
understood markers—to indicate where people were at or headed in their romantic
relationships. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think this trend toward ambiguity is motivated. One aspect
of this argument is that ambiguity feels safer than clarity in an age where
people are uncertain of relationships lasting. That means romantic (and sexual)
relationships form in an environment with a paucity of cues about who is really
interested in who, who is committed, and to what degree. Sure, there are still
cues (engagement remains a big signal of commitment), but not like there used
to be. In plays and movies, scripts specify cues for specific actions, scenes,
transitions, and lines. Dating and mating have become relatively scriptless,
and scriptlessness feeds cuelessness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My colleagues and I have written a lot about ambiguity in romantic
relationships. If you want to read more: <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2014/01/motivated-ambiguity.html">here</a>,
<a href="https://app.box.com/s/kya8luzle7mq67amq6j4u84y9jhkzktj">here</a>, or <a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/2017/07/give-me-sign-what-signals-commitment.html">here</a>,
or way back <a href="https://app.box.com/s/1zketqdii1ccnqb5vlf9">here</a>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In addition to the specific cuelessness of modern dating and
mating, it would not surprise me if the increasingly, generally ambiguous
pathway into adulthood on many dimensions contributes to the mental health of
emerging adults. However, those domains, along with dating and
mating, have been going through large changes for some time. Twenge may be onto
something to suggest that the recent sharp rise in anxiety and depression could
be linked to the appearance of smart phones in our lives. Now, I will double
down on that idea. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Devices and Social Media are
Optimized for Fostering Experimental Neurosis<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a classic series of studies in the history of behaviorism
(<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_conditioning">classical
conditioning</a>, specifically) that focused on inducement of experimental
neurosis in animals. The physiologist Pavlov is believed to be the first to
observe and widely discuss this phenomenon. He noticed how discomforted his
laboratory dogs were when initially learning to discriminate between stimuli that
meant food was coming versus not. Pavlov was famous for getting a neutral
stimulus to produce salivation by pairing it with the original stimulus (food).
You can make a name for yourself by studying spit if you can generalize your
argument. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pavlov, and many others, started testing what would happen to
dogs (or other animals) as they made it increasingly difficult to discriminate between
stimuli. In the most famous paradigm, he would have pictures of circles indicating
food was coming while pictures of various forms of ellipses would mean no food
was coming—and then he made the ellipses increasingly like the circles so that
it was hard for the dogs to discern the difference. The dogs would break down.
They would get agitated and howl or curl up and get passive, or otherwise freak
out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think a moment about how stressed you might get if, all of a
sudden, you could no longer discern whether a stop light was telling you to
stop, or to go, or to floor it. (That’s the true meaning of yellow, right?) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A pretty good definition of experimental neurosis is given
in the <a href="http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/experimental+neurosis" target="_blank">TheFreeDictionry</a>:
“a behavior disorder produced experimentally, as when an organism is required
to make a discrimination of extreme difficulty and "breaks down" in
the process.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s cuelessness. It’s not simply the complete absence of
cues. The dogs received cues but they had trouble getting them. Cuelessness also
comes about when there is an inability to reliably discern the meaning of cues
you can plainly see. Apply that thought to how intently a teen or young adult
might be trying to decode stimuli about their social situation as reflected in
the soft glow of their phone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-outline-level: 1;">
“Is he really
interested in me?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“Did she mean to cut me out of this
invitation?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“Why won’t he follow me?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“Why didn’t she ‘like’ my post?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“How did all my friends end up getting
together tonight without me knowing about it?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“What does that winking smiley face
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really </i>mean?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the heyday of research on experimental neurosis,
another method for inducing it was by <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=9cVGBQAAQBAJ&pg=PA92&lpg=PA92&dq=experimental+neurosis&source=bl&ots=XlUr1suF-d&sig=7_BklOk3P6FFsdfYu8wVNlIiou8&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiG-ffqro3XAhXj6oMKHTsPCb84KBDoAQhNMAg#v=onepage&q=experimental%20neurosis&f=fal" target="_blank"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>simply increasing the delay</a> in time
between the signal and getting the food. This had a similar negative effect on
the dogs. How often have you heard about people becoming fraught over waiting
for someone they are interested in to get back to them, especially by text,
about what was happening next? “Is he going to get back to me about getting
together?” “Why hasn’t she responded to my text message, yet? It’s been hours.”
The agony of such delays in the dating world are well described in Aziz Ansari
and Eric Klinenberg’s book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Modern-Romance-Aziz-Ansari/dp/1594206279/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509336098&sr=8-1&keywords=modern+romance" target="_blank">Modern Romance</a>. It’s a thing, and it’s all stimulus and delayed response or
non-response. Some of this comes from fears that a quick response would be too unambiguous,
and could mean one had caught feelings or was desperate or was, you know, actually
interested in the other. Clarity is so uncool. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think something like experimental neurosis could be contributing
to the rise in anxiety and depression among teens and young adults. Everyone
functions best when there are reliable cues about things that they care about
the most. At work. At home. At play. In love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Can You Hear Me Now? </i>Not
Really. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quiz: What’s the number one thing that teens and young
adults <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do not</i> do on their phones? Calling
people. It is no accident that messaging systems on our devices now have a
proliferation of emojis and special effects. Why’s that stuff there? First, per
my earlier point: emojis are part of the nuclear arms race of features designed
to make sure you cannot look away from your phone. Second, typed words can be
misunderstood, particularly in cryptic messages. Perhaps you have experienced a
time when you realized some friend, loved one, or colleague got the wrong idea
from what you wrote in email or text, when that would not have happened had you
made a phone call. Emojis are supposed to add some emotional information to the
message, but do they? Maybe a little, but hold that thought. I won’t make you
wait too long. <span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-43854-002" target="_blank">The author of a new series of studies</a><span class="MsoHyperlink">, psychologist Michael
Kraus,</span> concludes that there is much more information about emotion in voices
than in facial expressions.<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn5" name="_ednref5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[v]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Kraus is particularly interested in empathic accuracy, which he argues is a
foundational element in healthy social connection. In fact, he noted that, “a
dearth of empathic accuracy is a common symptom<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
of many psychological disorders.” Kraus further notes that speech
is a “particularly powerful channel for perceiving the emotions of others.” In
fact, cues in speech convey a lot of information about emotion even when the
receiver cannot understand the words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, there is plenty of information in someone’s face, but Kraus
argues that there is more in the voice. Contrast that with how little emotional
information can be in a text message. Sure, texts can convey 100% of the
relevant information when the point is merely to say, “I’ll meet you at 3:15 at
the coffee shop at 1<sup>st</sup> and Elm.” But a text is going to be pretty
thin on information about the true emotion the other is feeling. Since texting conveys
relatively limited information about emotion, it may be pretty limited in fostering
empathy and understanding when something more is at stake. (That does not mean
that texts are not useful, <a href="https://today.duke.edu/2017/05/more-technology-use-linked-mental-health-issues-risk-adolescents" target="_blank">including for teens at higher risk</a>.<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_edn6" name="_ednref6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[vi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>)
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Teens and young adults are particularly tuned to their
social networks, including whether or not they matter to others. We all are,
but it seems reasonable to posit that this is an intense dynamic when younger. The
paradox here is that, while masses of information move across electronic devices,
there often is not a lot of there, there, when it matters most—such as when
trying to decode if someone is interested as a partner or actually cares if you
have been left out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the specific domain of love and attraction, we live in
the age of ambiguity, and devices and social media are not optimally designed
to clear things up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back to smiley faces and winking emojis. You might ask, why
aren’t emojis as useful for conveying emotions as hearing someone’s voice? Obviously,
one point is that it’s a simpler system. If a voice conveys more information
about emotion than a real face, how much less information is contained in an
emoji? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have a better answer than that. It’s easy to send a
little smiling face no matter what you are feeling. Complex systems of lie detection
may yet be based on voice-tone but they are not ever going be based on emojis. When
you send an emoji, you could be happy or placating and send the very same text
with a smile. The emoji one sends is the emoji one intends to send. If there is
a reason to mask true feelings or to mislead, it’s so easy to do that in text—in
voice, not so easy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you get on the phone with someone you know who is having
a bad day or feeling something else strongly, you are vastly more likely to detect
it. It’s hard to hide what’s real in the voice because voice is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cueful not cueless</i>. In fact, if you are
a teenager and something is wrong, and you want your parent to help (and, if
you have a parent you trust), you should call. Your parent will hear something
in your voice that you can hardly hide, and I think it will change the nature
of what happens next, usually for the better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I’d like to suggest that we all people up and talk
more, I know that idea is quaint. It seems entirely possible that texting has
become preferred, in part, because it allows everyone to be doing two or more
things at once, without having to give away the fact that we can be reading
something on the web or watching TV all while sending some texts back and forth
with another person. Last week, there was a few minutes where I was texting
with my wife, one of my sons, and a colleague—all at the same time. A
conference call would not have worked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a lot in favor of text, emails, and social media
posts because they are asynchronous. Those on the receiving end do not have to
respond in the same moment as when the message is sent. But the cost of the
convenience is a thinning out of the information available, especially about
emotion. And emotion is the good stuff of social connection, as Kraus notes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I should note that a clear message does not have to be the
one you wanted to receive. William and Sonya are college juniors who were
“dating” for a couple of months when William broke it off by text. Sonya was
not pleased to get the text but at least he didn’t <a href="https://decidetocommit.com/now-see-now-dont-ghosting-romantic-relationships/" target="_blank">ghost</a>
her. Even though breaking up by text may seem immature, not to mention
heartless, at least the message Sonya received was clear. Pavlov’s dog would rather
know for sure that no food is coming than be in distress trying to get the
signal straight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
* <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>* <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My hypothesis is that the current, substantial increases in
anxiety and depression among teens and young adults may be exacerbated by decreases
in the reliability of information about relationships that can be found in
devices, messaging, and social media.<a href="http://slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/search?q=perfect+storm" target="_blank"> <o:p></o:p>I’ve argued before </a>that upcoming generations may have more
attachment insecurities than prior ones because family instability has likely
continued to increase (even though divorce rates have trended down). If so,
that could mix with the growing cuelessness of society to increase the challenges
for young people. It might be a blip and the kids will be alright. It might not
be. <br />
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s just a hypothesis. I wanted to write it up because all
these themes happened to be colliding in my head within the same week, and they
seemed to revolve around something. More broadly, the trends could be nothing
and these ideas may be off track. Also, I didn’t set out to pose solutions. I
leave you cueless. It’s the age we live in, I guess. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportEndnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[i]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
For examples of news reports on this, see <a href="http://time.com/4572593/increase-depression-teens-teenage-mental-health/">here</a>
and <a href="http://time.com/magazine/us/4547305/november-7th-2016-vol-188-no-19-u-s/">here</a>
and <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/todays-teens-anxious-depressed-paranoid/story?id=9281013">here</a>.
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn2" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref2" name="_edn2" style="mso-endnote-id: edn2;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[ii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Here’s a <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/teenage-mental-health-crisis-rates-of-depression-have-soared-in-the-past-25-years-a6894676.html">news
article</a> from the U.K., as an example. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn3" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref3" name="_edn3" style="mso-endnote-id: edn3;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iii]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Dwyer, R., Kushlev, K., & Dunn, E. (2017). <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022103117301737">Smartphone
use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions</a>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Experimental Social Psychology</i>.
Advance online publication. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn4" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref4" name="_edn4" style="mso-endnote-id: edn4;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[iv]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> I
link to various accessible pieces later in this section. Some of the scholarly
references for this point include: Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., &
Markman, H. J. (2006). <a href="https://app.box.com/s/59fd9e71728ef08658be">Sliding
vs. Deciding: Inertia and the premarital cohabitation effect</a>. Family
Relations, 55, 499-509.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W.
(2010). <a href="https://app.box.com/s/kya8luzle7mq67amq6j4u84y9jhkzktj">Commitment:
Functions, formation, and the securing of romantic attachment</a>. Journal of
Family Theory and Review, 2, 243-257.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., &
Fincham, F. D. (2011). Understanding romantic relationships among emerging
adults: The significant roles of cohabitation and ambiguity. In F. D. Fincham
& M. Cui (Eds.), Romantic relationships in emerging adulthood (pp.
234-251). New York: Cambridge University Press.; Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G.
K., Scott, S. B., Kelmer, G., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2016). <a href="https://app.box.com/s/irw6nzw8lc47l6iv4lk8l77wz0j608gk">Asymmetrically
committed relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships</a>.
Advance online publication. DOI: 10.1177/0265407516672013<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="edn5" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoEndnoteText">
<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref5" name="_edn5" style="mso-endnote-id: edn5;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[v]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
The author, Michael Kraus, showed that there is more information that enhances
empathy in the voice than in the face. He theorizes that people often
intentionally communicate their feelings through voice. I am not as sure about
that point as much as the idea that it may be hard to hide one’s feelings from
being expressed in tones of the voice. Regardless of that point, Kraus suggests
that there is a lot of emotional information in voice and less in the face.
And, I’d argue that there is vastly less in text and email. In an age of
ambiguity in relationships, that may be exactly what is preferred.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kraus, M. W. (2017). <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-43854-002">Voice-only communication
enhances empathic accuracy</a>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Psychologist,
72(7)</i>, 644-654.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="applewebdata://F656BF4E-C48B-41C7-8833-67D62E6BF290#_ednref6" name="_edn6" style="mso-endnote-id: edn6;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">[vi]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> A
study on a convenience sample of high risk teens suggested that they were less
anxious and depressed on the days that they texted more, not less. However, the
same study found that, on days they texted more, they also had more attention
and conduct problems. There is a lot of complexity in all this and much to be
sorted out. Citation: George, M. J., Russell, M. A., Piontak, J. R., &
Odgers, C. L. (2017). <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.12819/abstract">Concurrent
and subsequent associations between daily digital technology use and high-risk
adolescents’ mental health symptoms</a>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Child
Development</i>. Advance online version. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Scott Stanley, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/16819460475755637920noreply@blogger.com